Rumors abound that former Toronto Maple Leafs bad boy Tie Domi and star Liberal Belinda Stronach are romantically involved. However, the following leaked transcript of a recent phone conversation between the two suggests that the rumors are baseless and that everything between the two is aboveboard and all business:
Tie: Hey, Belinda. Wassup?
Belinda: Tie, it’s great to hear from you in a professional, purely platonic way.
Tie: Yeah, whatever.
Belinda: No, look Tie, if we’re going to do this it has to be aboveboard. We don’t want to give people the wrong idea.
Tie: Whatever you say, babe.
Belinda: Now that’s what I’m talking about. People are going to get the wrong idea. Remember? You’re supposed to be my political consultant. OK?
Tie: Oh yeah. I can do that.
Belinda: So when I ask you "What do I have to do to win the Liberal leadership contest?", you say what?
Tie: Ah.....take the man into the boards?
Belinda: No, no, no. You advise me that I should tell Canadian voters that I am pleased to work with whoever is chosen leader and that I am just happy to do my part to rebuilt the Liberal Party of Canada. Now what if someone asks you what advice you’ve given me about switching parties?
Tie: That you shouldn’t do it? That you should dance with the one that brung you?
Belinda: Tie, Tie, Tie. You’re supposed to say that if you find that you are philosophically incompatible with a particular party’s platform that you should follow your conscience and seek out a position where you can do the most good.
Tie: Dammnit! I knew that one. You’re not going to punish me and make me go shopping again are you?
Belinda: Not right now. We don’t have time. Look, maybe we should make things a little easier and play off your strengths. Like when they ask you how you see my career unfolding, you could use some hockey terminology.
Tie: OK, I think I’ve got it now. Belinda didn’t join the Liberal Party to become an enforcer so it’s not fair that she should be penalized so often. She’s a great stickhandler and she’s got some great moves. So if the Liberals are smart, they’ll put her on the front line. Give her a couple of good wingers and she can really score.
Belinda: By God, I think he’s got it!
Tie: Thanks, doll. Gotta go. TSN says it’s going to take awhile to do my makeup. (click)
Belinda: Sigh. Oh well, we obviously still have some work to do. (click)