Friday, September 29, 2006

My Fair Domi

Rumors abound that former Toronto Maple Leafs bad boy Tie Domi and star Liberal Belinda Stronach are romantically involved. However, the following leaked transcript of a recent phone conversation between the two suggests that the rumors are baseless and that everything between the two is aboveboard and all business:

Tie: Hey, Belinda. Wassup?
Belinda: Tie, it’s great to hear from you in a professional, purely platonic way.
Tie: Yeah, whatever.
Belinda: No, look Tie, if we’re going to do this it has to be aboveboard. We don’t want to give people the wrong idea.
Tie: Whatever you say, babe.
Belinda: Now that’s what I’m talking about. People are going to get the wrong idea. Remember? You’re supposed to be my political consultant. OK?
Tie: Oh yeah. I can do that.
Belinda: So when I ask you "What do I have to do to win the Liberal leadership contest?", you say what?
Tie: Ah.....take the man into the boards?
Belinda: No, no, no. You advise me that I should tell Canadian voters that I am pleased to work with whoever is chosen leader and that I am just happy to do my part to rebuilt the Liberal Party of Canada. Now what if someone asks you what advice you’ve given me about switching parties?
Tie: That you shouldn’t do it? That you should dance with the one that brung you?
Belinda: Tie, Tie, Tie. You’re supposed to say that if you find that you are philosophically incompatible with a particular party’s platform that you should follow your conscience and seek out a position where you can do the most good.
Tie: Dammnit! I knew that one. You’re not going to punish me and make me go shopping again are you?
Belinda: Not right now. We don’t have time. Look, maybe we should make things a little easier and play off your strengths. Like when they ask you how you see my career unfolding, you could use some hockey terminology.
Tie: OK, I think I’ve got it now. Belinda didn’t join the Liberal Party to become an enforcer so it’s not fair that she should be penalized so often. She’s a great stickhandler and she’s got some great moves. So if the Liberals are smart, they’ll put her on the front line. Give her a couple of good wingers and she can really score.
Belinda: By God, I think he’s got it!
Tie: Thanks, doll. Gotta go. TSN says it’s going to take awhile to do my makeup. (click)
Belinda: Sigh. Oh well, we obviously still have some work to do. (click)

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