See You In Syria

Apparently the slipups in the Maher Arar case weren’t the only errors made by the RCMP. Check out these excerpts from some recently leaked Mountie files:

Drumheller, Alberta - December 15, 2003

Suspect A.H. was driving well below the posted speed limit. When pulled over, suspect claimed he had forty frozen turkeys in his trunk and was concerned that his car was overloaded. A.H. taken to Drumheller station where he was booked and held on suspicion of unlicensed sale of poultry. Suspect subsequently transferred to Syria for further interrogation.

Churchill, Manitoba - May 2, 2002

Suspect M.J. was spotted discarding an empty Tim Horton’s coffee cup on the sidewalk. When approached by the officer, he claimed everyone disposed of their coffee cups this way and questioned if he was being singled out because of his ethnicity. Suspect taken to regional detention centre and booked on suspicion of littering. Suspect subsequently transferred to Syria for further interrogation.

Dartmouth, Nova Scotia - August 23, 2004

Suspect S.F. was spotted playing basketball after midnight at a local schoolyard. When questioned about this, suspect invoked his Charter right to play basketball anywhere at any time. Mr. F. booked on suspicion of loitering and taken to local jail. Suspect subsequently transferred to Syria for further interrogation.

New Westminister, British Columbia - February 11, 2005

Suspect L.C. stopped by officer for panhandling at corner of 10th Avenue and 32nd Street. Suspect became belligerent and repeatedly asserted his right to ask strangers for money. Mr. C. taken into custody and spent the night at the New Westminister lockup. Suspect subsequently transferred to Syria for further interrogation.

Ottawa, Ontario - July 14, 2006

Suspect F.D. interviewed by RCMP regarding contract obtained from Canada’s New Government despite his previous political ties. Mr. D. taken into custody and questioned about possible conflict of interest. Held temporarily and then released on his own recognizance. Suspect subsequently appointed Canada’s Integrity Commissioner.