Tuesday, September 07, 2010

White House Carpet Quotes

President Obama’s recent televised address to the nation revealed more than his Administration’s policy on withdrawing from Iraq. It also revealed a newly redecorated Oval Office featuring a beige carpet bordered with famous quotes from four American presidents and Martin Luther King.

Commentators are having a field day critiquing the President’s choice of decor and, in particular, his unique carpet embroidering skills. It turns out, however, that Obama is not the first White House resident to use words to decorate his office.

Reliable inside sources have revealed that previous Chief Executives also sprinkled famous quotations throughout the Oval Office:

Richard Nixon
Nixon apparently liked to have his favorite personal quotations played on an endless loop on his famous office tape recorder, such as:
* We could do that but it would be wrong.
* I am not a crook.
* I have never been a quitter.
* When the President does it, that means it is not illegal.

Ronald Reagan
Longtime White House workers say that Ronald Reagan liked to write his favorite quotations on index cards and slide them under the carpet:
* There’s a sucker born every minute. - P. T. Barnum
* Win one for the Gipper! - Knute Rockne
* Go ahead, make my day. - Harry Callahan
* I don’t recall. - Ronald Reagan

Bill Clinton
Former President Clinton apparently preferred to record inspirational quotes on the carpet under padding:
* The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. - Oscar Wilde
* Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. - Sigmund Freud
* I am not a crook! Richard Nixon
* It depends what the meaning of ‘is’ is. - Bill Clinton

George W. Bush
And finally, George W. Bush reportedly scrawled these favorite words on the inside of his Oval Office desk:
* What me worry? - Alfred E. Neuman
* Mission accomplished. - George W. Bush
* If they can’t take a joke, screw ‘em. - Anonymous

A Mad Tea Party

There was a giant tea party near the big white house and Glenn the Mad Hatter and Alveda the March Hare and all their patriot friends were having tea. Sarah came upon the scene and asked to join them.
"You may join us," said the Mad Hatter. "But first you must answer this riddle: When is a political rally neither political nor a rally?"
"Oh, I know the answer to that one," said Sarah. "Or at least I think I do."
"Then you should say what you mean," said the Hatter.
"Well I do," said Sarah. "Or at least I mean what I say which is the very same thing."
"Not the same thing a bit!" said the Hatter. "You might as well say ‘A right vote for the left’ is the same thing as ‘A left vote is right’."
"Or you might just as well say," said the March Hare, "that ‘a social with Obama’ is the same as ‘Obama is a socialist’."
"Well, that’s true indeed, " said the Hatter. "Isn’t it?"
All went silent but then the Mad Hatter took his watch out of his pocket, shook it and asked: ‘What day of the month is it?’
"Why it’s the 28th," said Sarah quite sure of herself.
"No it’s not," said the Hatter. "It’s the anniversary of the King’s speech 47 years ago. I bet your watch can’t tell time like that."
Sarah was now even more befuddled than usual. Then the Hatter asked her if she’d yet solved the riddle.
"No, I give up," said Sarah. "When is a political rally neither political nor a rally?"
"I have no idea," said the March Hare.
"Nor do I," said the Hatter. "Although I’m guessing it’s probably when it’s a religious revival meeting."
"I would think that you might do something better with time," Sarah said, "than waste it in asking riddles that have no answers."
"If you knew Time as well as I do," said the Hatter, "you wouldn’t talk about wasting it. It’s hymn."
"I don’t know what you mean," said Sarah.
"I mean we can all spend our time singing hymns," said the Hatter. "And pretend it’s all about Him when it’s really about him, that one in the white house, the one who’s a socialist."
"If this is a tea party," said Sarah, "then why haven’t I yet had any tea?"
"Take some more tea," said the Hatter.
"I’ve had nothing yet," said Sarah, "so how can I take more?"
"You mean you can’t take less," said the Hatter: it’s very easy to take more than nothing."
At that, Sarah got up and left thinking to herself that this was the most curious tea party she’d ever been to in her life. But if she could only find that rabbit hole she had fallen down earlier, maybe it would lead her to the nearby white house which could then become her new home.