Wishing to facilitate a quick replacement for retiring Justice Anthony Kennedy, President Trump took to Twitter today and announced that he would be nominating himself to serve on the U. S. Supreme Court.
“The Democrats wanted to delay the procedure and make us wait until after the mid-term elections,” said Trump. “But they didn’t count on this brilliant move, did they?”
Given an opportunity to seal the Court’s rightwing bias, the president wasted no time in naming himself as the new person on the bench, later confirming the announcement tweet at a hastily arranged press conference.
“Who better to carry out my agenda than me,” Trump said. “After all, I’m the guy who won the last election promising more conservative judges.”
Dismissing the fact that he is not a lawyer or a judge, the president trumpeted his legal abilities as more than sufficient to qualify him for the highest court in the land.
“Look,” said Trump. “I have more legal knowledge than half the judges out there. How do you think I’ve been able to get away with not revealing my income tax returns, appointing family members to my Administration and engaging in all manner of conflicts of interest?”
Some Democrats are confident that the Senate Judiciary Committee will not let Trump’s self-nomination stand but, according to Trump, that seems unlikely.
“How many senators on that committee?” asked Trump. “21, right? And eleven are Republicans? Believe me, there’s no problem there. Believe me.”
Questioned about whether he would have time to carry out both his presidential duties and those of an associate justice, Trump assured the assembled press corps that it would not be a problem.
“I barely spend any time doing presidency stuff as it is,” said Trump. “And if it looks like I need more time to do judgey things, I’ll just cut back on my golf and TV viewing.”