O Canadarm

A Short History of Canada’s Most Famous Citizen: The Canadarm

1981
The Canadarm debuts as the universe’s most famous arm when it makes its inaugural flight on the space shuttle Columbia.

2001
The bigger, better, longer Canadarm2 is installed on the International Space Station.

2006
Twin Canadarms on the Space Station are the undisputed stars of NASA’s space program, at least according to most Canadians.

2007
Canadarm sent to Afghanistan. After surviving Taliban firefight, reaches over Pakistani border and grabs Osama bin Laden. Becomes first foreign robotic device to be awarded the U. S. Presidential Medal of Freedom.

2008
Prime Minister Harper appoints one of the twin Canadarms to Cabinet as Minister of Robotics.

2009
Canadarm stars in its first feature-length Canadian film. Wins Genies for best special effects and best supporting actor.

2010
Canadarm saves Vancouver Winter Olympics by serving as emergency ski lift when over-budget Games fail to come up with necessary facilities. Honored by being chosen the flag bearer for closing ceremonies.

2011
Three Canadarms singlehandedly complete construction of the Space Station.

2012
The original Canadarm is inducted into the Order of Canada. Attends gala ceremony at Government House and pins medal on self.

2013
Canada’s flag changed from red maple leaf to red Canadarm to honor country’s most famous citizen.

2014
Fleet of Canadarms triples Canada’s softwood lumber production. U. S. accepts increase in cheap lumber imports rather than risk invasion by country’s new Canadarmed Forces.

2015
The original Canadarm runs for leadership of the Liberal Party but then selflessly withdraws to head up Royal Commission on Robotic Technology.

2016
Canadian pride reaches new zenith as team of Canadarms wins World Jai-Alai Championships.

2017
Governor General opens first Canadarm University where young robots can study to become full-fledged Canadarms.

2018
First Canadarm apointed to the Senate.

2019
Canadarm-equipped goaltender helps Leafs win first Stanley Cup since 1967. Robotic goalie signed to 15-year contract for $67 million.

2020
Canadarm robot army invades U. S. and annexes New England. All softwood lumber tariffs and restrictions repealed.

2021
Canada defeated by army of nuclear-powered, butt-kicking Amerilegs thereby ending era of Canadarm supremacy.

2022
Canadarms relegated to positions as coffee servers at Tim Hortons drive-thru windows. Canadians look for new national hero.