A Short History of Canada’s Most Famous Citizen: The Canadarm
The Canadarm debuts as the universe’s most famous arm when it makes its inaugural flight on the space shuttle Columbia.
The bigger, better, longer Canadarm2 is installed on the International Space Station.
Twin Canadarms on the Space Station are the undisputed stars of NASA’s space program, at least according to most Canadians.
Canadarm sent to Afghanistan. After surviving Taliban firefight, reaches over Pakistani border and grabs Osama bin Laden. Becomes first foreign robotic device to be awarded the U. S. Presidential Medal of Freedom.
Prime Minister Harper appoints one of the twin Canadarms to Cabinet as Minister of Robotics.
Canadarm stars in its first feature-length Canadian film. Wins Genies for best special effects and best supporting actor.
Canadarm saves Vancouver Winter Olympics by serving as emergency ski lift when over-budget Games fail to come up with necessary facilities. Honored by being chosen the flag bearer for closing ceremonies.
Three Canadarms singlehandedly complete construction of the Space Station.
The original Canadarm is inducted into the Order of Canada. Attends gala ceremony at Government House and pins medal on self.
Canada’s flag changed from red maple leaf to red Canadarm to honor country’s most famous citizen.
Fleet of Canadarms triples Canada’s softwood lumber production. U. S. accepts increase in cheap lumber imports rather than risk invasion by country’s new Canadarmed Forces.
The original Canadarm runs for leadership of the Liberal Party but then selflessly withdraws to head up Royal Commission on Robotic Technology.
Canadian pride reaches new zenith as team of Canadarms wins World Jai-Alai Championships.
Governor General opens first Canadarm University where young robots can study to become full-fledged Canadarms.
First Canadarm apointed to the Senate.
Canadarm-equipped goaltender helps Leafs win first Stanley Cup since 1967. Robotic goalie signed to 15-year contract for $67 million.
Canadarm robot army invades U. S. and annexes New England. All softwood lumber tariffs and restrictions repealed.
Canada defeated by army of nuclear-powered, butt-kicking Amerilegs thereby ending era of Canadarm supremacy.
Canadarms relegated to positions as coffee servers at Tim Hortons drive-thru windows. Canadians look for new national hero.