Tuesday, September 19, 2006

George W. Bush, Wikipedian

Because of vandalism, editing of the Wikipedia entry for George W. Bush by anonymous or newly registered users has been disabled. Rumor has it that President Bush has been a registered user for some time now which may explain the current version of his entry on the on-line, open source encyclopedia:

GEORGE WALKER BUSH, born July 6, 1946, is the 43rd and current President of the United States, inaugurated on January 20, 2001 (In your face, Al Gore!). He was reelected in 2004 (Take that, John Kerry) and is currently serving his second and final term. (He could easily win a third term except for that 22nd Amendment business.) A Republican, he belongs to one of the most politically influential American families, being the son of former President George H. W. Bush (who only served one term) and elder brother of Jeb Bush, the present Governor of Florida (who has never, ever been President).

Early Life

Born in New Haven, Connecticut, Bush moved to Texas when he was two years old. (That means I’m 98 per cent Texan. I’m not an Easterner. Heck, I can’t even find Connecticut on a map.) Bush attended Yale University. (That was all my parents’ idea. If it had been up to me, I would have gone to the University of Texas. Go Longhorns!) Bush earned an MBA at Harvard and then was an unsuccessful entrepreneur in the oil industry. (Unsuccessful? That’s not fair. You drill a hole and if you’re lucky you strike oil. I might have been unlucky but I sure as hell wasn’t unsuccessful.) Bush went on to purchase a share in the Texas Rangers and eventually netted a $15 million profit from his $800,000 investment. (See? I told you I was a successful ontrapanewer.)

Political Career

After serving as Governor of Texas, George W. Bush ran for the presidential nomination of the Republican Party. In a hotly contested election in 2000, he defeated the Democratic candidate Al Gore after the Supreme Court decided against a recount in Florida. (Thank you Bill Rehnquist and a big shout out to Tony Scalia, too.) In his first term, Bush instituted massive tax cuts for the rich (hey, you have to be paying taxes to get a tax cut), restricted research funding for embryonic stem cells (whoa, whoa, wait a minute; I allowed funding for 21 lines) and invaded Iraq on the basis that there were weapons of mass destruction that were never found (hey, we all thought they were there and anyway, we had to start spreading democracy somewhere, right?) Despite a lacklustre performance and an ongoing war, Bush was able to win reelection in 2004 by defeating John Kerry. (You gotta hand it to old Turd Blossom, don’t you? I mean if Karl hadn’t come up with that Swift Boat stuff, I’d be back on my ranch in Crawford cutting brush and clipping coupons.)

Historical Standing

George W. Bush has been the subject of extensive criticism and his recent approval ratings have been some of the lowest in history. (Oh, boo hoo. Who cares? My friends got their tax cuts. The drug companies got a great deal on that prescription drug plan. And Dick Cheney says things at Halliburton have never been better.) The remaining years of his presidency will likely be assessed on the basis of his foreign policy decisions. (Damn straight! Watch out Iran; here comes the bomb.)

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