Wednesday, September 13, 2006


In a recent news conference, George W. Bush shocked everyone by admitting that the CIA has been operating secret prisons around the world. In a hurry to report this unbelievable news, most reporters rushed off and missed some additional surprising revelations from the President. However, a few seldom reliable sources did stay behind to report on Mr. Bush’s further shocking pronouncements.

"Yes, that’s right," said the President. "I think it’s time to reveal some other unexpected developments."

When asked to elaborate, Mr. Bush responded by stating: "For instance, hard as it may be to believe, it turns out there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq."

The handful of anonymous reporters were just recovering from that bombshell when the President went on to reveal that there was no connection between Saddam Hussein and al Qaeda.

"I know, I know," said Mr. Bush. "I was as flabbergasted as you. Who would have thought that a secular Sunni despot and a religious Shiite fanatic weren’t in cahoots?"

Before that bit of news could sink in, the remaining press corps was hit with another incredible revelation.

"We had no plan for Iraq," said the President. "I know that’s hard to believe but we didn’t. I think there was a plan at one time but apparently when Cheney passed it to Rumsfeld, Rummy misplaced it. At least that’s what Dick tells me."

No sooner had the remaining media digested that shocker than the President revealed the following stunner:

"Those tax cuts?" said Mr. Bush. "They primarily benefited rich folks. Honestly, I don’t know how that happened but it did. All I can say is ‘My bad’."

The handful of television and newspaper reporters left were still reeling from that piece of news when the President continued.

"I’ve just got one more thing to say," said Mr. Bush. "This one really dumbfounded me. It turns out that Dick Cheney’s been running the show all along. I thought I was but Dick now tells me I wasn’t at all."

It’s difficult to know if the nation can recover from this unforeseen series of astonishing revelations. No one knows who or what to believe anymore.

"I’m not saying that there’s no Santa Claus or Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy," said President Bush. "But after today’s developments, in all honesty, I can no longer definitely say that there is either."

No comments: