Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Washington Fire Sale

Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Come on down to Crazy George’s today. He’s selling everything in the store at fire sale prices. In fact, he’s cut prices so low that he’s almost giving things away for free.

Overextended on your loans? Lacking enough capital to cover all those flimsy investments? Don’t worry. At Crazy George’s, we know that it’s not always easy to get credit. But if you’re still breathing and have the word "bank" or "insurance" in your name, we’ll lend you whatever you need, no questions asked.

While you’re here, be sure to check out Crazy George’s specials on subprime mortgages. Stuck with a bunch of mortgages with principals bigger than the value of the underlying properties? Can’t unload the bundled investment due to escalating interest rates? No problem. Crazy George will buy those investments at market value and pay you the difference.

And don’t forget Crazy George’s "Deal of the Week." This week, if you’re a bank stuck with a bunch of seemingly worthless derivatives, come on down to our nearest store and ask for the special "banker’s deal." We’ll pay you the market value of the derivatives so long as you just promise to pay us back when you can. It’s crazy but it’s true.

Remember that Crazy George’s is also the home of the permanent tax cut. If you’re making over $250,000 a year, you’ll get a tax cut so big it’ll make your head spin. And that’s not all that will spin. With all that extra dough, you’ll be able to buy that fancy sports car you’ve had your eye on and spin those wheels right out of the dealer’s lot.

Whatever you need in the way of financial instruments or investment rescue vehicles, we’re your one-stop shopping experience. Teetering on the brink of bankruptcy? Failing to meet your obligations? Need more liquidity?

Then come on down to Crazy George’s. Whether you’re a failing bank, a desperate insurance company or a shaky multinational, we’ve got everything you need to keep you afloat. At Crazy George’s the prices are so low, they’re INSANE!!!

(Consumers with net incomes under $250,000 need not apply.)

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