Thursday, October 09, 2008

Joe Six-pack

Since the Vice Presidential debate, millions of Americans have decided to speak out. First up among those choosing to voice their opinion are the nation’s hockey moms.

"Yeah, it was cute at first," said Louise Elliot, current President of Hockey Moms of America. "But after the fiftieth time hearing that Sarah Palin is standing up for us, I just couldn’t take it anymore."

Miffed at the comparison made between hockey moms and pit bulls, the ice hockey-loving matriarchs have apparently had enough of Sarah Palin’s antics.

"Frankly, I’m embarrassed to be associated with the Alaskan governor," said Ms. Elliot. "After all, unlike Ms. Palin, many of us know who the leader of U. S. forces in Afghanistan is and most of us have a far more nuanced policy position on the Middle East than her."

But hockey moms weren’t the only demographic ticked off at Sarah Palin’s exploitation of them. Many self-identified Joe Six-Packs have also decided to publicly disassociate themselves from her.

"It’s tough enough to make a go of things as a beer-loving American male," said Bob ‘Rooster’ Cockburn. "Without Sarah Palin claiming that she knows what’s best for us."

The Alaskan governor’s celebrated gun-toting, moose-shooting ways were initially embraced by many Joe Six-Packs. But her continued references to those of the beer-drinking persuasion have alienated even the most dedicated fans of the hops.

"I was on her side right up until the debate," said Mr. Cockburn. "But when she failed to itemize budgetary line-items that she and John McCain would forego given the current economic crisis, frankly, I was disappointed. I don’t expect her to be fully conversant with all the workings of the Office of Management and Budget but we feel that she should have at least a rudimentary knowledge of the functioning of the financial bureaucracy."

Self-described cattle rustlers were also reticent about giving their support to the Republican Vice Presidential nominee.

"It used to be that the term ‘maverick’ meant something in this country," said longtime renegade cowboy Bart Bryson. "But thanks to Sarah Palin, I don’t know what it means anymore. Frankly, I’m now ashamed to call myself a maverick."

Not long ago, the word maverick labelled someone as an independent-minded, free-thinking rebel. But now mavericks have become the laughingstock of the nation.

"After these two lockstep-thinking politicos claimed the moniker," said Mr. Bryson. "The term ‘maverick’ lost all respect. Next to calling someone a ‘liberal’, I can’t think of a worse insult."
Finally, the League of Average Americans has come out squarely against Sarah Palin’s candidacy.

"Sure, it was initially flattering that John McCain chose one of us to be his running mate," said League President Marcia Moore. "But the more we thought about it, the more we couldn’t support this crazy idea. What’s next? Paris Hilton for Secretary of State?"

No word yet from the residents of Main Street and Middle America or the members of the National Association of Lovers of Winks, Folksiness and Facile Expressions.

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