Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Just Like Me

The 2008 Presidential campaign is more and more becoming a search for a candidate that voters can truly relate to. Ever since George W. Bush achieved victory by tapping into the American electorate’s desire for one of their own, candidates have tried to attain an ordinary-Joe kind of mediocrity. Most voters now seem to want "someone just like me."

"I don’t want some pointy-headed intellectual from Harvard," said Tyrone Buhler of Frankfort, Kentucky. "I want a leader who I can understand, someone who speaks my kind of language. There’s no need for all that fancy education. I’ve got my high school and that’s all I need in my President or Vice President. Once someone goes off to university and gets all them highfallutin ideas, they lose touch with what’s real."

"There’s way too much emphasis on foreign policy experience," said Norman Smith of Cupertino, California. "Heck, most of us have never been to all those foreign countries and we sure as heck haven’t met any foreign leaders and it hasn’t done us any harm. When it comes to dealing with foreigners, all it takes is the ability to speak English and some good old-fashioned common sense."

"All this talk about management experience and executive experience is highly overrated," said Evelyn Clough of Eau Claire, Wisconsin. "If you’ve run a household, raised kids or helped coach a hockey team, then you’re more qualified to run Washington than half of these jokers."

"I just don’t trust most of these politicians," said Warren Trout of Marietta, Georgia. "I want a regular guy like me that I can relate to. Someone who can hunt and fish, drink a fifth of Jack Daniels and then drive home in the middle of the night. That’s the leader for me."

"I reckon running a country is pretty much like running anything else," said Trout’s former wife Lurlene. "If you can run a general store or an exotic dance bar then you can deal with anything in government. I bet half of these candidates haven’t even cleaned a fish or field dressed a moose."

"I’m tired of all this complicated talk about options and plans and diplomacy," said Fred Packer of Roanoke, Virginia. "Someone attacks you, you nuke ‘em. Anything else is just a sign of weakness. A candidate who knows how to use a shotgun knows how to protect America."

"How come you need to travel everywhere?" said Sally Packer of Concord, New Hampshire. "I’ve been to Mexico twice on vacation and once we drove up to Canada for a weekend. I think that experience tells me all I need to know about the world. If you can speak Canadian or Mexican, I’m sure that would help if you’re President but I don’t think it’s necessary at all. After all, that’s why we’ve got all those foreign speakers in Washington to help the President out."

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