Setting Palin Straight

Sarah Palin’s been getting a rough ride lately. After her cringe-worthy interviews with Charlie Gibson of ABC and CBS’s Katie Couric, some people are beginning to question her suitability for the nation’s second highest office.

The problem, however, is not with Sarah Palin’s answers from those interviews. The problem is aligning those answers with the right questions. Here’s how things might have gone if her previous answers to Gibson and Couric were used at the proper time in reply to appropriately-worded questions:

What is the nature of Alaska’s relationship with Iceland?

We have trade missions back and forth.

Those are lovely glasses you’re wearing. Do they help your eyesight or are they just decorative?

I am....I am up to the task, of course, of focusing on the challenges that face America.

We’ve heard great things about Alaska smoked salmon. Where can we get some?

I’ll try to find you some and I’ll bring them to you.

What words do you expect to hear your daughter Bristol say to her young groom at their upcoming wedding?

I do, Charlie.

If Israel had to issue security notes to assist its economy, how would you react to that?

I don’t think we can second guess what Israel has to do to secure its nation.

When President Bush instructs American troops to help rebuild hurricane-damaged churches abroad, how do you view that action?

Our national leaders are sending U. S. soldiers on a task that is from God.

As Governor of Alaska, what have you done to promote tourism given that Russia is so close?

They’re our next-door neighbors and you actually see Russia from land here in Alaska, from an island in Alaska.

If Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin were to head east, where would he likely end up?
It’s very important when you consider even national security issues with Russia as Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where ------- where do they go? It’s Alaska. It’s just right over the border.

I understand that you are quite the accomplished modern poet. Could you give us an example of your stream-of-consciousness poetry, possibly something from your recent work entitled "Blink"?

I ------- I answered him yes,
because I have the confidence in that readiness.
And knowing that you can’t blink,
you have to be wired in a way of being so committed,
to the mission, the mission that we’re on.
Reform of this country and victory in the war.
You can’t blink.
So I didn’t blink then,
even when asked to run.

In retrospect, what should have been your response when offered the vice presidential slot on the Republican ticket?
As when Congress offered us that Bridge to Nowhere: "Thanks, but no thanks."