Washington Talks Back

Hi, how ya doin? The name’s Washington, Washington, D. C.

You probably know me as the nation’s capital, the home of all those nasty politicians and lobbyists. In fact, you’ve probably taken a shot or two at me from time to time like "Washington’s out of touch" or "Washington sucks."

That’s OK; I’m used to it. I figure it comes with the territory. Being the capital is not an easy job. It’s often a thankless task but I don’t mind all the nasty sleights. That’s just the price of fame.
But lately I’ve been really ticked off. Not only are average citizens badmouthing me; now even the politicians are running me down.

This year, two of my own are out on the campaign trail blaming everything on me. There’s this guy Obama who’s lived here for four years. Yet you’d think he’d never even visited me.

Obama’s all "Change doesn’t come from Washington, it comes to Washington" and "Change you can believe in." What’s up with that? It’s like he doesn’t know me at all. Yet he’s been here all along, taking advantage of everything I have to offer. Now he doesn’t even know me? Come on!

And then there’s that McCain guy. He’s been living here for over twenty-five years. I figured we were friends for life. But now he’s giving me the cold shoulder.

It’s like everything’s my fault. Here’s a guy who was as good a Beltway insider as you can get. He was even once good buds with Charles Keating. But now he’s all "Only I can bring change to Washington" and "I’m going to veto all those pork barrel bills."

At first I was mad. But now I’m really more sad than anything. I’ve lost a couple of good friends and it really, really hurts.

But then I just tell myself that it’s probably not that bad. Maybe once all this election craziness goes away, these two guys will come back to me, settle in and get down to business again.

If the past is any indication, by next year, this will all be ancient history. After all, this isn’t the first time this has happened. Guys like Bill Clinton and George W. Bush really hurt my feelings years ago trash-talking me and promising all kinds of change. But, believe it or not, we were able to get over that and now we’re the best of friends.