Wednesday, September 17, 2008

More Surprise McCain Picks

Convinced that he made the right move in selecting Sarah Palin as his running mate, Republican presidential nominee John McCain has decided not to stop there. In order to maintain his campaign’s momentum, the Arizona senator has apparently decided to announce other female selections for his governance team now rather than wait until after the election.

Seldom reliable sources have confirmed that Senator McCain has a number of other surprising picks in mind. For example, although many observers assumed that he would go with Condoleeza Rice as his secretary of state, McCain instead seems to have his finger on the video pulse of the nation.

"I like that gal who played the President’s wife in that show ‘The West Wing’," McCain is reported to have remarked. "What’s her name? Stockard Channing? Yeah, I think she’s got lots of spunk and would do a terrific job."

In the same vein, McCain apparently has his eye on Allison Janney as his press secretary. "She’s bright, quick and she doesn’t take any guff," said the Republican nominee. "Plus she’s easy on the eyes."

The position of chief of staff will likely go to Shirley Jones who starred in the 70s sitcom ‘The Partridge Family.’ "If she can organize my administration half as well as she ran that wacky household of five kids," said McCain. "I don’t think we’ll have any problems running the country."

In keeping with the theme of an all-female TV team, McCain wants to appoint Suze Orman, noted financial advice show host, as Treasury Secretary. "Have you seen her in action?" said McCain. "We sure as hell wouldn’t have any mortgage or debt crisis with her in charge."

After seeing these picks, it came as no surprise that the senator has decided to appoint Judge Judy as his Attorney General. "I think most Americans are tired of our judicial system mollycoddling criminals," said McCain. "With Judge Judy we can get back to a no-nonsense, lock-em-up system of justice."

As for future Supreme Court appointments, John McCain is apparently sticking to his all-female approach. Top potential candidates include Calista Flockhart, Candace Bergen and Lara Flynn Boyle. When questioned about the apparent lack of experience of these women, McCain brusquely replied: "They’ve all played lawyers on TV and that’s good enough for me."

As the campaign wears on, look for John McCain to announce more and more of his post-election appointments. Although it is not known yet who those appointees will be, one thing is clear - they will all be females and they will all be television stars.

"What can I say? I like dames and I like TV," said McCain. "And I think they’ll make a great governing team. Especially if all the other gals vote for me."

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