The McCain campaign is busily preparing for the coming three presidential debates, which begin Friday. Since Sen. Barack Obama is the stronger speaker, Sen. John McCain's strategists have decided on a straightforward, simple approach as evidenced in these practice questions and proposed replies, which we have obtained from reliable sources:
Q: Senator, when you were asked about how many houses you own, you were unable to answer. Doesn't that show that you are out of touch with average Americans?
A: No it doesn't, and I'll tell you why. I spent 5 1/2 years in a North Vietnamese prisoner of war camp. I didn't have a house. I didn't have a table. Heck, I didn't even have a chair. Like many Americans, I know what it's like to go without.
Q: Sir, you have consistently supported the Iraq war despite the fact that the reasons given for starting the war turned out not to be true. The war has cost hundreds of billions of dollars and tens of thousands of lives. How can you continue to support this war?
A: War is not easy. War is not fun. I know that because I spent 5 1/2 years as a POW during the Vietnam War. Believe me, I don't like war any more than the next person, but sometimes you just have to persevere until the job is done.
Q: Mr. McCain, you were intimately involved with Charles Keating and the savings-and-loan debacle of the late 1980s and were censured by the Senate Ethics Committee for having poor judgment. Given your involvement in that scandal, how can you be trusted to be the president of the United States?
A: I would like to remind you that I was cleared in that matter. And I would also like to remind you that I was a POW in North Vietnam for more than five years. I think that's all I need to say on the issue of trust.
Q: The Democrats are calling you John McBush and saying that you will continue the failed policies of George W. Bush if you are elected president. How do you answer those charges?
A: I respect President Bush, and I support some of his policies. But George Bush didn't spend over five years in a North Vietnamese prison. Because of that, I will bring an entirely new and heroic perspective to the problems of America.
Q: Some critics are saying that you are too old to serve as president. Since you just turned 72 and will be 76 by the next election, will you undertake to serve for just four years?
A: Four years is nothing. Let's not forget that I did 5 1/2 years as a POW in the Hanoi Hilton, and I could easily have done more. Even at my age, eight years in the comfort of the White House will be a breeze.
Q: Sen. Barack Obama has been criticized as being too young and inexperienced to serve as president. What is your view?
A: I respect Barack Obama and I think he has many of the traits and characteristics needed to serve in the nation's highest office - although there is one glaring omission. Once Senator Obama has done a stint as a POW for at least 5 1/2 years, I'm sure he'll be ready for the White House. If he starts now, I guarantee that he'll be ready to be president in 2016. I believe my esteemed colleague Sen. Hillary Clinton would agree.