Republican Presidential nominee John McCain has reportedly been hospitalized after suffering a mild, stress-induced heart attack. The attack occurred shortly after the announcement of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as his vice presidential pick.
"What the hell happened?" McCain was heard to yell just before crumpling over in pain. "Who said that broad from Alaska was going to be on the ticket?"
Apparently McCain had intended to choose former Monty Python comedy troupe member Michael Palin.
"I’ve always loved that guy," said McCain from his hospital bed in Bethesda, Maryland. "He’s so damn funny. I figured our campaign could use a laugh or two."
McCain explained that he wrote the name "Palin" on a sheet of paper and passed it to his aides with the intention that they would pass on the information to the media.
"I don’t know why I hire these young idiots," said the senator. "They’re always screwing everything up. Last week I asked them to send a telex to my wife and they looked at me like I was crazy."
Even after aides patiently explained to him that Michael Palin is not a native-born American and thus ineligible for the office of Vice President, McCain was still not satisfied.
"What the hell are you talking about?" said the soon-to-be Presidential nominee. "I was born in the Canal Zone in Panama and I’m running. Surely a funny little Brit like Michael Palin qualifies."
Governor Palin was reportedly disappointed to learn that she wasn’t McCain’s first or even tenth choice. However, she intends to soldier on unless asked to resign which may, in fact, happen soon.
McCain is exploring other possibilities and may ask Ms. Palin to step aside in favor of a funnier, more masculine candidate.
"If Michael Palin is unavailable," McCain was heard to ask. "How about the tall guy, the one who was the Minister of Silly Walks? What’s his name, John Cleese? Get him on the phone. God, I wish Red Skelton or W. C. Fields was still alive."
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