Thursday, September 21, 2017

Dear Computer Guy

An occasional consumer advice column for those in need of computer assistance:
Dear Computer Guy:
     I live in Washington, D. C. and for the last eight months I’ve been using Trump I as my operating system. Despite experiencing a number of problems, I’ve still been pleased with this OS due primarily to the various rebates and tax refunds promised. Should I stick with Trump I for the next few years?
                                                                                                              Wondering in Washington
Dear Wondering:
     Consider yourself lucky; you’re one of the few Trump I users who hasn’t been burned. What started out as a promising new OS earlier this year has turned into a bug-infested, error-prone system. The rollout of the heavily-promoted Repeal and Replace patch never occurred and the oft-touted Mexican Wall subroutine appears now to be a non-starter.   
     Recent defections from the company that makes this product suggest that it is definitely in decline. Among others, they’ve lost their National Security Advisor, Chief of Staff, Communications Director and Chief Strategist and rumor has it that more bodies are looking to jump ship.
     If you can squeeze a few more months of useful life out of Trump I, hang on for now. But if the company goes out of business, you may want to take a look at the Pence operating system as a potential temporary fix. In the meantime, I strongly recommend that you uninstall Twitter from any of your devices.
The Computer Guy

Dear Computer Guy:
     Many years ago, I purchased the Clinton word processing software package. It gave me reliable service for most of the nineties but I haven’t used it now for over fifteen years. I hear some folks talking about a new Clinton 2.0 version. Is it as good as the original?
Wordless in Seattle
Dear Wordless:
     That’s a tough question. First of all, let’s be clear. Clinton 2.0 is a completely different product from version 1.0. Basically, only the name is the same. Whereas, for its time, Clinton 1.0 had all the bells and whistles and lots of marketing pizazz, version 2.0 is definitely not as flashy although undoubtedly more stable.
     Some beta testers in New York said they liked the trial version of Clinton 2.0 that was offered in their state during the previous decade although they were apparently less impressed with the recent upgrade called Secretary of State. Still others have questioned the reliability of the software package’s technical support. Some users have reported a repeated failure by the company to admit past programming and e-mail errors and to rectify clearly faulty positions.
     On the other hand, it appears that purchasers of Clinton 2.0 will still have access to version 1.0 as well. However, since it’s still not clear whether the two versions are even compatible, it may be wise to hold off and check for the availability of the new Sanders software package or any one of a number of other younger progressive options currently in development.
The Computer Guy

Dear Computer Guy:
     I’ve been having trouble with viruses, spam and pop-ups in my e-mail. No matter how many anti-virus packages I employ, I still get hit with a full in-box and some nasty, nasty bugs like trumpjr17, jkushner101 and russiagate99. What steps can I take to protect myself?
Vulnerable in Virginia
Dear Vulnerable:
     I sympathize with your situation. It seems that ever since 2015, there has been a rapid increase in these types of computer bugs. At present, dozens of varieties have been identified with more reported to be on the way including the very powerful putinspy01 virus. The good news is that all of these bugs work only on computers using the Trump I operating system and, once it is taken off the market, the virus problem should quickly disappear.
     If you can’t wait that long, there are certain measures you can take to immediately secure your PC or laptop including two off-the-shelf fixes called Impeachment and Amendment25. Unfortunately, neither item is currently available in stores.
The Computer Guy

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