Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Secretary O

In a surprising turn of events, President Obama today announced the expansion of his Cabinet to include a whole new raft of Secretary-level appointments.

First up was the appointment of Al Gore to the new position of King of Global Warming and Gaseous Emissions. "I just thought he was the right man for the job," said Obama. "After all, who better than Al to talk about hot air?"

Also new to the Cabinet table is Dick Cheney who will become America’s first Lord of the Dark Side. "I don’t know about you," said the President. "But when it comes to deceit, torture and the dark arts, I want the best and Dick is definitely at the top of his game."

On the financial side, Obama has reinstated Alan Greenspan to a position of importance. "He’s going to be our new Baron of Bankruptcy," said the President. "Next to Ayn Rand and Ronald Reagan, he’s most responsible for the economic mess we’re in so he oughta know how to get us out of it, right?"

To help in the diplomatic sphere, the President has tapped Bill Clinton for the position of Ambassador-at-Large. "Who better than Bill to take on whatever international crisis is at hand?" said Obama. "Plus, when it comes to Ambassador-at-Large, he fits the bill and then some."

Surprisingly, former GM CEO Rick "Station" Wagoner has been anointed American’s first Car Czar. "I know some of you are surprised at my choice," said President Obama. "But, again, who better to help us learn from our mistakes than the guy who made more of them than anyone else? Plus, after the lucrative buyout he received when I made him walk the plank, he’s willing to work for a dollar a year plus free use of a Toyota Prius."

Finally, President Obama found a position for America’s most powerful woman - Oprah Winfrey. "The electronic media are arguably the most important resources in America today," said Obama. "And daytime television is clearly suffering the most. So I’ve appointed Ms. Winfrey as the Queen of Daytime Television to help restore the glory of quiz shows, soaps and talk shows that once made America the envy of the midday televised world."

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