Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Bush Files for Unemployment

Apparently the current economic downturn is worse than expected. As evidence of how bad things have gotten, George W. Bush was seen last week filing a claim at his local Dallas unemployment office.

"It's been tough finding work," admitted the former president. "Every time I apply for a new job, they don't seem that impressed with my record. I guess two foreign wars and a screwed up economy don't help."

Mr. Bush said he finally gave up looking for work after being turned down for a position as a Walmart greeter. "I definitely met the age requirement," said Bush. "But they said they just didn't find me believable when I said 'Welcome to Walmart. Can I help you?'."

Although the former president's resume includes a lengthy detailing of his experience and employment history, it seems that his job strengths are not in high demand in today's tight market.

"I looked for work at Home Depot, too," said Mr. Bush. "But they said that they didn't have any positions involving brush clearing or constitutional demolition. Plus, they didn't seem that impressedwith my building skills, particularly those involving renovating democracies."

Asked why he would even be seeking employment given his generous pension, Mr. Bush demurred.

"Sure I get a pension," said the ex-president. "But it's hardly enough to live on. Remember, I've got this fancy house here in Dallas and a ranch in Crawford. If I can't bring in some extra cash, we're going to have to cut back on luxuries like books and pork rinds."

While Mr. Bush has had to cut back to make ends meet, he says that he and Laura are still able to manage and get by.

"Luckily I'm over sixty," said Bush. "So I can get a great deal for breakfast at Denny's and I can ride the bus for free on Wednesdays. In fact, once I turn 65, there are so many savings out there, I'll be laughing."

Fortunately, the ex-president seems to be the only member of his administration that hasn't been able to find work.

"I just don't understand it," said Bush. "Dick Cheney's got a job with the mob and even Donnie Rumsfeld found work at his local Dairy Queen."

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