I'm In No Rush

In a recent L. A. Times op-ed piece, Andrew Klavan challenged me to actually listen to Rush Limbaugh before condemning him. I considered Mr. Klavan’s dare but, sadly, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

It wasn’t because the idea of being forced to sign up on Rush’s web site to hear audio clips made my skin crawl. And it wasn’t just because I had better things to do.

The reason I didn’t listen to Rush is because I don’t have to. Because we won, Mr. Klavan. And by "we", I mean liberals, moderates, Democrats, left-of-center humanists and even vegetable-eating, animal-loving, planet-hugging, Birkenstock-wearing, self-hating femi-Nazis.

I used to listen to Limbaugh during the deep, dark Bush years. Not for more than a few minutes, mind you. Just enough time to fire me up once again to keep fighting in the war against sanity that had gripped the nation.

Maybe it was unfair of me not to give Rush a "full" chance. After all, that’s what he always does, right? Perhaps I should have sat there quietly taking in his sophistry without interrupting or shouting at the radio.

But then I remembered the golden rule of shallow political commentating: WWRD - i.e. - "What would Rush do?" And from my brief exposures to Mr. Limbaugh, I learned the rules well. Oversimplify, pontificate, shout, interrupt and attack, attack, attack.

But back to my main point and, believe me, I do have one. I.....DON’T.....HAVE.....TO.....LISTEN .....TO....RUSH LIMBAUGH......ANYMORE!

Rush’s simplistic, superficial, misleading analyses don’t anger me now. They simply amuse. It’s like watching a child who has been given a timeout throw a tantrum. So long as it’s not my kid, it’s fun to watch since it’s no longer my problem.

President Obama urges everyone to take a new, non-partisan approach to politics. I’m not sure even he believes that’s possible given the bitter intransigence of the Republican members of Congress.

But never mind. Obama can be Mr. Nice Guy all he wants. After enduring eight years of lies, deceits, ad hominen attacks and outright criminality, I’m in no mood to play nice and politely listen to the other side, especially that female-bashing, Michael Fox-trashing, race-baiting, Oxycontin-taking radio blowhard named Limbaugh.

But guess what? I don’t have to bother because - that’s right - WE WON! Now I no longer have to be fair and balanced. I, too, can superficially dismiss arguments, engage in ad hominen attacks and generally be an insensitive jerk.

See? I’ve learned from the best. Where once I spent hours reading lengthy, thoughtful analyses from both the right and the left, now I don’t waste my time. And where I used to earnestly strive to be diligent, thorough and fair, now I tend to just shout my opponents down.

Like Minnesota’s almost-Senator Al Franken, I think Rush Limbaugh is a big, fat idiot and I don’t care who knows it. Unlike the lineup of hypocritical Republicans who criticize Mr. Limbaugh for his crude, hurtful attacks and then come crawling back for redemption, I have no intention of apologizing. And I definitely have no intention of listening. I’ll leave that task to Mr. Klavan and his fellow dittoeheads and wish them a happy eight years in the political wilderness.