Monday, August 25, 2008

Duelling Confessions

In their recent joint interviews by Pastor Rick Warren at Orange County’s Saddleback Church, Presidential candidates John McCain and Barack Obama both revealed past indiscretions. When asked about their greatest moral failure, McCain cited his failed first marriage and Obama discussed his youthful experimentation with drugs and alcohol.

Although the candidates’ revelations seemed to satisfy the audience of evangelicals at Saddleback Church, it turns out that they did little to impress their political peers. Bill Clinton for one found their admissions to be, as he termed them, "laughable."

"A divorce, a few drinks and a little blow?" said the former President. "You call those moral failings? I call that a warm-up to a good time on a Saturday night."

Former Vice Presidential nominee John Edwards also made light of his Senate colleagues’ mea culpas.

"Look, I’m not condoning divorce or getting buzzed," said Edwards. "But that’s nothing. Hell, I cheated on my wife while she was getting treated for cancer. Mind you, she was in remission at the time."

Even George W. Bush found it hard to take the disclosures by his potential successors seriously.
"You’re talking about one guy who dumped his first wife and another guy who did a little flake before he hit university," said President Bush. "Come on; that’s nothing. I drank and did coke well into my thirties, screwed the pooch in the military and gave away the entire U. S. Treasury to my friends."

Clearly embarrassed by their mediocre confessions, McCain and Obama have begun a "moral failings" war to see who can outdo the other in the field of ethical shortcomings.

"Yes, my first marriage ended in divorce," said McCain. "But, until now, I never revealed the cause. Let’s just say it involved a hooker, handcuffs and a case of Jack Daniels."

Not to be outdone, Obama fired back with his own avowals.

"It’s time for me to come clean," said Obama. "Not only have I repeatedly cheated on my wife Michelle; I have done so with a series of Malaysian transvestites."

"Yeah, but I did it with a sheep," countered McCain.

"Just one?" said Obama.

"So far," said McCain.

Although it is expected that the battle of revelations will continue right up to November 4th, it seems unlikely that either candidate will be invited back to Saddleback Church any time soon.

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