Thursday, August 07, 2008

Double Dog Dare

Prime Minister Harper has thrown down the gauntlet and dared Stephane Dion to "fish or cut bait" and force an election. The ball is now in Dion’s court and all of Canada is waiting to see if he can avoid the ultimate playground embarrassment.

But wait; what’s this? Can it be? Yes, Stephane Dion has issued a formal "double dare" to Harper to bring a vote of non-confidence himself. Harper is taken by surprise but continues to stand his ground.

Then with his own surprising counter move, Harper informs Dion that he "double dog dares" him to force an election. The media is aghast at this bold action and waits breathlessly for the Opposition Leader’s response.

Dion initially appears startled, not knowing how to answer this historically unprecedented challenge. Will he seek an election or risk being the laughingstock of the entire Canadian schoolyard?

Dion tries talking his way out of this unexpected impasse. He blames Harper for the situation and taunts the Prime Minister with sophisticated jibes about his personal hygiene and his mother’s preferred type of military footwear.

Harper, who had the upper hand, is caught slightly off guard. He forgets that he had issued a "double dog dare" and foolishly engages in the trading of insults. In the heat of the moment, the best he can come up with are "tax and spend Liberal", "government program lover" and "poopy head."

Sensing that the Prime Minister has fallen for his trap, Dion hits him with the traditional "What you say is what you are!"

Visibly shaken, Harper appears to be on the verge of tears. But his face instantly brightens as he remembers a classic counter insult. Dion is staggered by the powerful "I’m rubber, you’re glue; whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!"

The reporters walk away as the two combatants continue to engage in verbal sparring.

"Bait cutter!"

"Corporation lover!"

"Green shifter!"

"Carbon hog!"

As the sun sets over the political playground, it is clear that Canadians looking for an electoral donnybrook will have to wait for another day.

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