Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Clinton Uber Alles

In an attempt to mollify supporters of Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama’s camp has agreed to allow her name to be formally entered into nomination at this week’s Democratic National convention. Mrs. Clinton has reportedly assured Obama’s people that there will be no attempts to undermine his candidacy.

A few other "minor" concessions were sought and agreed to. Hillary Clinton will address the convention in prime time on the second night. Her husband, former President Bill Clinton, will speak the following night and daughter Chelsea will likely speak after that.

Clinton supporters say that any further requests by their candidate will be trivial and inconsequential. For example, they would like to have each morning and afternoon session open with a tribute to some of America’s greatest overlooked towns including Clinton, Massachusetts; Clinton, Missouri; Clinton, Mississippi and Clinton, New York.

"We spend a lot of time celebrating our country’s major cities," said Mrs. Clinton. "But we often overlook the heartland of our great country. This would be a great way to acknowledge middle America and all the great middle Americans who have made our party what it is."

Apparently Mrs. Clinton’s inner circle has also asked that at least part of the first night of the convention be dedicated to a celebration of the life and career of DeWitt Clinton who served as the Governor of New York from 1817 to 1822.

"I think we have neglected this great American statesman for far too long," said Hillary Clinton. "After all, he was the sixth governor of my home state and the man largely responsible for the building of the Erie Canal."

The Clinton camp has also put in a request to decide on the entertainment for the final night of the convention. Rumors abound that her people have already inked a deal with musician George Clinton to be the headliner for the evening.

"I think it would be fitting to celebrate the first African-American nominee with a great black entertainer," said Mrs. Clinton. "And what better way to celebrate than to get our funk on with the man who created P-Funk and the band Funkadelic?"

Some Obama supporters have expressed concern that the various requests by Clinton will leave little time to feature Mr. Obama.

"Nonsense," said Mrs. Clinton. "As far as I know, we’ve pencilled him in for almost an entire hour early Friday morning for his acceptance speech."

"Assuming he’ll need that time," chuckled the former First Lady. "Just kidding, of course."

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