Tuesday, June 03, 2008

How To Spend Your $600

Americans are starting to receive checks in the mail for their one-time 2008 tax rebate. For most, that means an extra $600 to do with as they please. But many are still wondering how to spend their upcoming windfall. Maybe they can be guided by what some other folks have already decided.

Coffee drinker Gary Dingledine of Queens knows where his rebate is going. With an extra two dollars a day to spend, Mr. Dingledine hopes to replace his daily morning tall coffee at Starbucks with a venti white mocha frappuccino.

Disgruntled investor Harvey Newman of Teaneck, New Jersey is looking to wallpaper his apartment on the cheap. Mr. Newman figures $600 can buy him 60,000 subprime mortgage certificates and a bucket of paste.

SUV owner Edith Bramwell of White Plains, N.Y. is thrilled with her $600 refund. She’s looking forward to once again using the words "fill ‘er up" at her local gas station, at least for the month of June.

Frustrated traveller Maurice Rosenberg of San Francisco figures his $600 check will finally allow him to cover all the additional charges and buy one of those $99 bargain airfares. With luck, he may even have enough left over to check two pieces of baggage.

Noted polygamist Warren Jeffs doesn’t figure he can do much with his $600 stimulus check. But since there’s an extra $300 payment for each child, Jeffs is hoping that the additional $120,000 will help spring him from jail.

Senator Larry Craig of Idaho has earmarked his $600 check for new vanity license plates. He’ll be trading in his old SEN IDA plates for either NOT GAY or TAP 2X.

Bill Gates has his eye on a supply of new batteries for his calculator. The Microsoft Chairman figures he’s going to need them in order to calculate how many billions he’ll make from the real tax cuts.

John McCain made no secret of where his $600 was going. The putative Republican presidential nominee has invested the entire amount in Metamucil and support hose.

Democratic frontrunner Barack Obama will be using his government windfall to change his middle name. Unfortunately, the only names available were Hitler, Stalin and bin Laden.
The tax rebate check couldn’t have come at a better time for Hillary Clinton. She’ll use it to reduce her campaign debt to $20,999,400.

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