Wednesday, June 04, 2008

On Beyond 27

Just when you thought it was safe to turn on the TV again, Congress has run amuck and changed the rules of the Presidential election. Now, instead of two Democratic contenders and one presumptive Republican nominee, the field may once again be crowded with new White House wannabes.

It all started in a drunken, late night joint session on Capitol Hill where two-thirds of the House and Senate passed Constitutional amendments just for the heck of it.

First to get approval was the 28th Amendment or as it is now known, Arnie’s Law. It does away with the provision that the President must be a native born American. As a consequence of this rash act, everybody from Arnold Schwarzenegger to Zsa Zsa Gabor has declared their intention to seek the presidency.

But Congress didn’t stop there. After a two-hour chugging contest started by Senator Larry Craig and six rounds of shooters paid for by Nancy Pelosi, the two houses managed to pass Amendment number 29 which will eliminate the age requirement for President.

Being younger than 35 will no longer be an impediment to having one’s finger on the nuclear button. Upon hearing this, every video game-playing teen and techno-dork from Miami to Seattle tossed their ballcap into the presidential ring.

Before the night was over, Congress went right over the top with the 30th Amendment. Some say it was the six-pack of Jamaican spliffs handed out by Senator Chris Dodd of Connecticut but it may well have been the mescaline-laced prune juice passed around by California’s Senator Diane Feinstein.

Whatever the cause, the result was disastrous since the 30th Amendment serves to repeal the 20th Amendment which set term limits on the presidency. Upon hearing the news, Bill Clinton shoved Hillary aside and made a mad dash to register his candidacy for the upcoming Democratic convention. Not far behind was George W. Bush looking to three-peat for the Republicans and Papa Bush trying once again for that elusive second term. Even Jimmy Carter forewent his afternoon nap to put his name forward for the nomination.

Luckily, the electoral chaos was short-lived as someone took the time to actually read the Constitution which requires that for any of these amendments to take effect, they must be passed by three-fourths of the state legislatures. Both Arnold and Bill said they’re prepared to wait.

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