Friday, May 23, 2008

No One Over 67 Votes

With the U. S. Presidential election on the horizon, there’s talk once more of extending the vote to sixteen-year-olds. But rather than expanding the electorate, I think we should be restricting it by denying the vote to one or more of these questionable constituencies:

Anyone 67 or older
Why should these folks get to vote? They’re already feeding at the Social Security trough and dining at the Medicare buffet. Plus many of them are drawing down generous pension benefits. Do you really think they’re capable of making selfless, objective decisions for the good of the country? Not on your life. All they care about is more Social Security and more free drugs.

Any member of the AARP
(see above)

Anyone turning 40, 50 or 60
Remember when you turned 40 or 50 or maybe even 60? Chances are you were so depressed that you barely functioned for the entire year. Let’s face it; a person in that condition shouldn’t be trusted with something as important as a Presidential vote.

People who took out a subprime mortgage
Would you really want your future to be decided by someone who bought a house with no money down and a mortgage with a two-year, artificially low teaser rate of interest? Exactly. The country’s in enough debt without having these crazy spendthrifts helping to add even more.

Anyone whose current age is a prime number
There’s something decidedly odd about prime numbers. It’s hard to trust anything that’s only divisible by itself and one. Why take a chance? Disqualify these folks outright. After all, it’s not as if everybody’s shut out. Just those who are 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 51, 53, 57 and 61.

Men who sport combovers
Guys who are that into denial shouldn’t get a say in who runs the country. If you think three or four two-foot strands of hair can cover an entire bald pate, how will you ever be able to discriminate between two equally skilled dissemblers running for President?

Anyone who voted for George W. Bush in 2004
As Bush himself said: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool can’t get fooled again." But millions of folks did get fooled a second time by "W" himself. By any reasonable standard, they’ve definitely forfeited their votes. (This rule may also apply to those who voted for Bill Clinton in 1996 and for Jimmy Carter at any time.)

Ideally, all of these rules should be implemented which would help winnow out the unqualified from the electorate leaving only reliable voters. Which, by the way, might only be you and me. And, as they say, I’m not so sure about you.

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