Thursday, May 22, 2008

McCain Picks Running Mate

After weeks of speculation, the presumptive Republican presidential nominee has finally revealed who will be his vice presidential running mate. Many assumed that the second spot would go to a politician. Some had assumed John McCain would opt for a young, conservative Republican to balance the ticket, someone like South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. Others felt that the wiser choice would be to go with an older, more experienced politician such as Rudy Giuliani.

At a Washington, D. C. press conference, Senator McCain made the much-awaited announcement with his new running mate waiting in the wings.

"I gave it a lot of thought," said the Arizona senator. "I thought about choosing someone older than me, younger than me, more conservative than me. I even considered picking Dick Cheney to run again. In the end, however, the choice was blindingly obvious."

Turning stage left, McCain stretched out his left hand and beckoned the new Republican number two: Tyra Banks.

To thunderous applause and several ribald catcalls, Ms. Banks sashayed to the podium in a mauve Versace dress with modest decolletage. The former supermodel and current host of "American’s Next Top Model" clasped McCain’s shoulders, lifted her left leg, bent over and planted a kiss on the senator’s forehead.

"What’s not to love about this woman?" said McCain. "She’s the perfect vice presidential candidate. She’s everything I’m not: young, black, female and very, very hot. If nothing else, I’m definitely going to pick up a lot of the beer-drinking, college-age male vote."

"I’m happy to be Senator McCain’s running mate," said Ms. Banks. "He has demonstrated week after week the maturity and sophistication we’ve been looking for in a candidate seeking to become America’s top political model."

"I think you’ll all recall that it wasn’t that long ago that the senator was counted out of the campaign," said Banks. "But he didn’t quit. Instead, he came back the following weeks and took his inner beauty, turned it inside out and dazzled everyone with his poise and charm. That’s the kind of man I want to see walking down the White House runway. Plus, given his age, I figure the chances of me taking over within the next four years are at least fifty-fifty."

Senator McCain smiled, gave Ms. Banks a hug and declared: "I can’t think of a better way to go."

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