Wednesday, June 21, 2006

The Urgent E-mail

TO: Friends List

Dear Friends,

I recently received some VERY, VERY IMPORTANT advice that can maybe even save your life. I never knew this stuff before so please pass it on to everyone you love so they won’t have to needlessly suffer.

1. Be very careful of people calling themselves stockbrokers. Until I decided to invest some of my money, I was unaware of how dangerous these people are. They dress in nice clothes and speak very well but watch out. They’ll try to sell you stocks. That’s right, stocks. Next to drug dealers, these folks are the biggest threat to society. But the police seem to be powerless to stop them. What they do is apparently legal. So when they approach you, be VERY, VERY CAREFUL. Don’t be mesmerized by their talk of perpetual 10% annual returns. Don’t fall for their eternal optimism. When they start talking about "buy" and "strong buy", just nod your head, ask them to send you some literature and back away slowly.

2. I also learned about another dangerous group that have infiltrated our neighborhoods. They’re called politicians and they live among us, often going undetected for years. Thanks to attending one of their covert meetings which they call a "political convention", I’ve discovered their secrets. I want to pass them on to you in case you are attacked. At first, you may not recognize the politician. He looks just like you and me. But he quickly gives himself away with his wide smile, two-handed hearty handshake and constant stream of platitudes. If you meet someone who never stops talking and making unreasonable promises, you’ve been attacked by a politician. Run the other way AS FAST AS YOU CAN!

3. Finally, watch out for any "professional" whose title starts with the letter "A." That means accountants, auditors and maybe even actuaries. These folks pretend to be boring, dependable number crunchers but nothing could be further from the truth. When they offer to balance your books, check your records or "do" your taxes, steer clear. The only thing they want to "do" is a number on you and a financial favor for themselves. Keep your money in your mattress and just say "No."

Please pass this message on to all the people you care about. It’s a crazy world out there and we need to watch out for each other.

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