Thursday, June 08, 2006

Kidney Stone Magazine

The magazine industry is nothing if not adaptable. Whatever the latest trend, whoever the latest celebrity, wherever there’s a demographic, the periodical people will cover it with a magazine. From All About Beer to Rosie, there’s a magazine for or about almost everyone. Check out these new publications at your local newsstand:


This is the business monthly for businesspeople on long term sabbatical. With the fastest growing circulation of any new periodical, Misfortune provides useful financial advice to America’s incarcerated business executives and CEOs. Look for articles on how to cover up those nasty accounting “errors”, where to hide your illegal stock options and ten great offshore vacation destinations for you and your money.


In today’s modern world where both spouses have to work, there’s little time for housekeeping. You may not be able to afford a housekeeper but you can afford a subscription to Passable Housekeeping, the magazine that shows you how to avoid housework while still meeting most federal minimum health and safety standards. Learn the secrets of dirt and dust relocation, high octane toilet cleansers and disposable paper bedding that will help you stay sane in this crazy 24/7 world we live in.


This is the rock magazine for aging baby boomers. Kidney Stone celebrates the indisputable fact that no great rock music has been produced since 1975. Interviews with aging rock stars are interspersed with obituaries of expired rock stars.


America’s favorite lifestyle guru applies her talents to that oft-neglected area of American life - the penal system. Ms. Stewart hopes to be able to give a behind the scenes look at the diet, lifestyle and living quarters of today’s upscale inmate. The inaugural issue deals with such timely topics as celebrating holidays with your cellmate, decorating possibilities using prison blues and grays and the proper etiquette for service of court documents.


Curious about what your President is up to? Wonder where he’ll be tomorrow, next week or next month? Then you need W Guide, the daily listing of the activities of George W. Bush. Helpful sections at the front and back rate the top domestic policies for the year, list Mr. Bush’s weekly foreign policy shifts and provide helpful translations of his daily malapropisms.


Like Oprah Winfrey and Rosie O’Donnell before him, Bill Clinton is launching a new magazine to complement his upcoming talk show. The eponymous periodical will feature “all things Bill” including Mr. Clinton’s favorite foods, beverages, wardrobes and companions. From policy discussions to cigar preferences, you’ll get an inside look at the life of America’s 42nd President that you’ve probably already had before.

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