Wishing to facilitate a quick replacement
for retiring Justice Anthony Kennedy, President Trump took to Twitter today and
announced that he would be nominating himself to serve on the U. S. Supreme
Court.
“The Democrats wanted to delay the
procedure and make us wait until after the mid-term elections,” said Trump. “But
they didn’t count on this brilliant move, did they?”
Given an opportunity to seal the Court’s
rightwing bias, the president wasted no time in naming himself as the new person
on the bench, later confirming the announcement tweet at a hastily arranged
press conference.
“Who better to carry out my agenda than
me,” Trump said. “After all, I’m the guy who won the last election promising
more conservative judges.”
Dismissing the fact that he is not a
lawyer or a judge, the president trumpeted his legal abilities as more than
sufficient to qualify him for the highest court in the land.
“Look,” said Trump. “I have more legal
knowledge than half the judges out there. How do you think I’ve been able to
get away with not revealing my income tax returns, appointing family members to
my Administration and engaging in all manner of conflicts of interest?”
Some Democrats are confident that the
Senate Judiciary Committee will not let Trump’s self-nomination stand but, according
to Trump, that seems unlikely.
“How many senators on that committee?” asked
Trump. “21, right? And eleven are Republicans? Believe me, there’s no problem
there. Believe me.”
Questioned about whether he would have
time to carry out both his presidential duties and those of an associate
justice, Trump assured the assembled press corps that it would not be a
problem.
“I barely spend any time doing presidency
stuff as it is,” said Trump. “And if it looks like I need more time to do
judgey things, I’ll just cut back on my golf and TV viewing.”
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