Sunday, December 03, 2017

Narcissist of the Year

Donald Trump tweeted that Time Magazine had conditionally offered him their title of “Person of the Year” but he “took a pass.” However, it looks like the president simply misinterpreted his recent conversation with the magazine, a leaked transcript of which follows:
Time Magazine:  Hello, sir. I’m calling on behalf of Time Magazine. As a valued subscriber, we want to offer you a renewal of your subscription at a very special price.

Donald Trump:  Yes, of course I must be a valued subscriber since you made me “Person of the Year” last year. I assume you want to renew that honor for this year.
Time Magazine:  I don’t know, sir. I’m just calling from our customer service call center. Your name came up on my screen. You are Mr. D. Trump, correct?
Donald Trump:  That’s President Donald Trump, current “Person of the Year.” Look, I’m going to make this easy for you. You want to make me “Person of the Year” and I’m quite happy to accept. After all, most people are saying that I’m a slam dunk for the cover.
Time Magazine:  Mr. Trump, I don’t know anything about that. If, as you say, you are president, I’m sure you’re in the running but that’s not my department.
Donald Trump:  I know you “fake media” folks like to play coy but either I’m on the cover or not. There’s no maybe about it so what are you offering me?
Time Magazine:  Well, sir, I can offer you a full year renewal for the low, low price of $9.99 plus tax. Or, if you really want to save, we can renew you for three years for only $20.19.
Donald Trump:  “Person of the Year” for 2018 and 2019? Fine with me but I resent that you want to charge me for this.
Time Magazine:  No, sir, I have nothing to do with “Person of the Year.” I’m just offering you an extension of your magazine subscription.
Donald Trump:  Forget it. Either I’m “Man of the Year” or I’m not. No guarantee, no deal. Otherwise I’ll just print my own cover. Let me speak to your supervisor.
Time Magazine:  Mr. Trump? I’m José, the call center supervisor. I understand you’re not happy with our renewal offer.
Donald Trump:  That’s right, José or whatever your name is. I was “Person of the Year” last year, I should be “Person of the Year” this year and I should be again next year and the year after that. Even that loser Obama was named twice.
Time Magazine:  I don’t know anything about that, Mr. Trump, except to say that, in my experience, a sitting president only gets a second cover if he does something extraordinary like get reelected, start a war, cause a scandal or get impeached.
Donald Trump:  OK. Give me a few days. I’ve got your number. I’ll get back to you.

(dial tone)

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