Folks might be wondering about President Trump’s commitment to the Mexican border wall since he rarely tweets about the subject. However, it looks like he actually does give it top priority if the following leaked entries from his secret diary can be believed:
May 22, 2017
My pal Benji came to visit me at the White House. He’s the leader of Israel and he said he’s got one of the bestest, most fabulous walls in the world. It’s called the West Bank Barrier and it’s huge. Benji says he’d love to sell it to me but he still needs it to keep the terrorists out. I asked him when he thinks he might be able to unload it and he said roughly around the time when hell freezes over.
July 6, 2017
That Angela Merkel broad from Germany may have a used wall that we can buy. My people tell me that there used to be a big concrete barrier in Berlin that stood for close to thirty years. The trouble is Ronnie Reagan told some guy named Gorbachev to tear it down and that’s what happened. Even if we could find the pieces, the wall was only about a hundred miles long so it would probably only block off Tijuana.
July 13, 2017
Met with that little French guy Macron again. I can’t understand a word he says but his wife sure is a looker. Anyway, I finally buttonholed a translator and he said that Macron was babbling on about a proposed wall for me. He said France had a fabulous wall called the Maginot Line that France apparently built after World War I to keep out the krauts. I’m not sure why but apparently he’s willing to take a loss on it and sell it to me for pennies on the franc. I’ll ask my engineers to look into it.
July 20, 2017
Donnie, Jr. checked out my new golf course in Scotland. It’s a beauty complete with lots of berms to block out my nasty Scottish neighbors. For people who invented golf, they can be real idiots. Anyway, the manager of my new course told Donnie, Jr. all about this wall in Scotland which no one is using because apparently no one’s trying to get into Scotland. Go figure. It’s called Hadrian’s Wall but it’s not for me as it is way too short and has been fully depreciated for centuries. Like most things Scottish, it’s crap and my son should have known better.
November 7, 2017
Visited South Korea today and took a few more shots at that clown Kim Jong-un. Turned down a chance to visit the DMZ which I assumed was a big department store or something. Mike Pence already visited it back in April and told me I missed a great barrier. Apparently DMZ stands for demilitarized zone and it’s a two-and-a-half mile buffer area complete with weapons, fences and walls. I made some discrete enquiries as to whether it’s currently on the market but surprisingly no one has gotten back to me yet.
November 10, 2017
Had a great meeting with Chinese President Xi Jinping. We discussed all kinds of things like trade deficits and North Korea. What I didn’t expect was Xi cleverly taking Melania on a tour of his wall while I headed off to Vietnam. I had no idea he had such a long, tall, fabulous structure. It’s just what I’m looking for. I think Xi is playing it coy and not mentioning a possible sale but instead just teasing us with a quick view. The thing is he doesn’t know who he’s dealing with. If he thinks he can out-deal a dealer, he’s sadly mistaken. I’ll pay a fair price but I’m no chump. Still, it’s definitely a great wall and I want it.