Sunday, March 09, 2008

The Real 3 A.M. Calls

Hillary Clinton’s "3 A.M. Phone Call" campaign TV ad seems to have been effective. However, it may have been a bit misleading as these recently discovered transcripts of past late night calls to The White House demonstrate:

June 17, 1972 - 3:01 A.M.
"The eagles have been captured."
"What? Who is this?"
"The jig is up."
"What are you talking about?"
"It’s me, Dick. Gordon Liddy. The guys got caught at the Watergate."
"I don’t know who you are or what you’re talking about. Is that tape recorder still on, Pat?"
(dial tone)

December 1, 1983 - 2:59 A.M.
"Is Ron there?"
"Who is this?"
"It’s Mikhail Gorbachev. I’ve got to talk to Ron. It’s very important. It could save us both billions of dollars."
"Forget it, Mikhail. He’s dead to the world.. Try again tomorrow before his afternoon nap."
"But it may be too late by then."
"I’m sure it can wait. Good night."
(dial tone)

May 4, 1990 - 3:02 A.M.
"Hello. Who’s calling at this hour?"
"Ish jush me, shweedie. Look, I’ve had a bit to drink and I jush wanna say I’m sorry and I really, really love you. I really, really do."
"Who is this?"
"Whoa, wait a minute. You’re not Jane. What have you done with Jane?"
(dial tone)

January 28, 1993 - 2:57 A.M.
"Hi. Do you have Prince Albert in a can?"
"What? Who is this?"
"Is your refrigerator running?"
"Newt, New Gingrich - is that you?"
(dial tone)

June 15, 1996 - 3:04 A.M.
"Pizza delivery. Large pizza for the president."
"What are you talking about?"
"Ma’am, I’ve got a large pepperoni with extra cheese for one William Jefferson Clinton."
"Oh, boy, not again. Just leave it with the guard."
"Ma’am, I need payment."
(dial tone)

August 4, 1998 - 2:59 A.M.
"Is my Billy Willy snookums there?"
"Who is this?"
"Oh, sorry, bye."
(dial tone)

January 15, 2001 - 2:56 A.M.
"Hi, George. It’s me, Al."
"Al Gore. You know, I used to be the next president of the United States."
"Al, that line’s gettin’ awfully lame and I need my sleep."
"Look George, how about you let me be Vice President again or Secretary of State or something, OK?"
"It’s over, Al. I won. Get over it."
(dial tone)

March 2, 2003 - 3:00 A.M.
"Hello. Who’s calling?"
"This is Kofi Anan, Madam First Lady. May I please speak to the President."
"No, I’m sorry. He’s asleep and he left clear instructions not to wake him."
"But it’s very important. We have indisputable proof that Iraq has no weapons of mass destruction."
"Well, I really can’t wake him or he’ll be very mad. How about I give you Dick Cheney’s number? I’m sure he can help."
"Thank you, Mrs. Bush."
(dial tone)

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