Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Brian's Top Ten Mistakes List

During his recent appearance before the Commons ethics committee, Brian Mulroney detailed the two biggest mistakes he had ever made, the first being ever agreeing to meet Karlheinz Schreiber and the second being accepting a cash payment from the German businessman. Due to time constraints, however, the former Prime Minister wasn’t able to list the other eight items on his top ten list of mistakes:

3. Taking Schreiber’s money in thousand dollar bills. Twenty dollar bills would have been more convenient and harder to trace.

4. Putting the cash in a safety deposit box. I don’t know what I was thinking. It would have been a lot easier to just stuff it under the mattress or let Mila buy some new shoes.

5. Forgetting to pay taxes on the Schreiber cash in 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 1997, 1998. I was sure we changed the regulations back in ‘87 so that taxes on cash-in-envelope payments were only due at the end of each decade.

6. Meeting Mr. Schreiber for the third, fourth and fifth times. This could count as three mistakes but after getting fooled twice maybe they should only count collectively as one.

7. Sending a Christmas card every year to Mr. Schreiber although there’s nothing wrong with that ‘per se.’

8. Saying of Bryce Mackasey "there’s no whore like an old whore." In retrospect, that probably wasn’t fair.

9. Not trying again for constitutional reform after the failures of the Meech Lake and Charlottetown Accords. I know I could have succeeded on the third attempt or possibly on the fourth shot but definitely by the fifth try.

10. Not running for a third time. If I had known that Kim Campbell was so despised by the Canadian electorate, I would have stayed on to ensure a third Conservative majority.

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