Chaos Theory

Some say I’m crazy. Some say I’m in denial. But like thousands of others, I’m just an Ottawa Senators fan who doesn’t want to see the story end. So join me for a brief look at what might have, could have and perhaps should have been. Just beware of unintended consequences.

June 6
Spurred by the potential embarrassment of losing to a team called the Ducks, the Senators rebound from a 2-1 deficit to win the fifth game 3-2 on a shorthanded goal by Daniel Alfreddson and a penalty shot by Antoine Vermette.

June 9
Back at home and cheered on by a raucous Scotiabank Place crowd, Ottawa plays their best game of the series and trounces Anaheim 6-0 to knot the series at three games apiece.

June 11
Even without the home advantage, the Senators hang tough against the Ducks and fight back three times from a one-goal deficit to send the game into overtime. Ottawa caps a glorious comeback with a Cup-winning goal by Alfreddson late in the second overtime period.

June 14
Fans line Elgin and Wellington Streets ten deep to watch the victory parade for the Senators. The players eventually make their way to Parliament Hill where a noisy crowd of 250,000 celebrates the Stanley Cup win. Caught up in the excitement of the moment, Prime Minister Harper addresses the crowd and announces that he is calling an election for August.

June 15
Embittered by the loss of the Nordiques and Montreal’s repeated failure to make the playoffs, the Parti Quebecois and the ADQ say that Quebeckers cannot take the humiliation of Ottawa winning the Stanley Cup. They blame the win on the federalists, agree to join forces to bring down Jean Charest’s Liberals and then jointly announce a fall referendum on separation.

June 16
Saddened by Edmonton’s failure to make the playoffs and Calgary’s early departure and angered by Alberta’s lack of representation on the Senators, Premier Ed Stelmach calls his own separation referendum.

June 18
Despite Prime Minister Harper’s request for an election, Governor General Michaelle Jean, a lifelong Habs fan, refuses to drop the writ sending the country into turmoil.

June 20
After two days of widespread traffic violations and nasty opinion pieces by Rex Murphy, George W. Bush declares a state of emergency and sends in American troops.

June 22
Fearing rampant incivility, rudeness and downright impoliteness, President Bush declares Canada an American protectorate. As a first measure to restore peace, he suspends the Senators, declares the June 11th victory a nullity and awards the Cup to Anaheim.

July 1
At the direction of President Bush and Gary Bettman, Eugene Melnyk moves the Senators to Houston. With the removal of this major irritant, independent rule is returned to Canada and many more years of non-Canadian Stanley Cup winners are assured.