NASCAR

The National Association of Satirists and Cartoonists for Ascension Reform issued the following press release today:

We at NASCAR wish to alert the American public to an impending crisis. We’re not talking about Iraq or Social Security. We’re referring to the inevitable devastating effect of the 22nd Amendment to the U. S. Constitution, the one that limits a President to two terms.

If nothing is done, the 22nd Amendment will prevent George W. Bush from seeking a third term in office. For satirists and political cartoonists, that will be a serious blow to our livelihood and, by extension, to the nation’s economy.

Imagine, if you can, an America two years from now with no George W. Bush to satirize or lampoon. With no linguistic miscues, misguided policies or unilateral actions, the field of political satire will become a desolate wasteland.

Some observers argue that we are being alarmist and overly pessimistic. They claim that whoever ends up winning The White House will inevitably provide sufficient fodder for NASCAR members.

But just because that has always happened in the past is no guarantee it will happen in 2008. America has almost exhausted its supply of satirizable Presidents and a crisis is looming.

Think for a moment about the likely winners of the upcoming 2008 race. For the Democrats, the leading candidates include the humorless trio of Al Gore, John Kerry and Hillary Clinton. For the Republicans, the picture is almost as bleak with boring potential nominees like John McCain, Rudy Giuliani and Jeb Bush.

No matter who wins from that group of yawn inducers, NASCAR loses. With a dull, lifeless, articulate, gaff-free President in The White House, we’ll be out of business.

Why should average citizens care about this problem? Because political satire is an integral part of the American economy and, until now, has been a growth industry.

We at NASCAR help employ thousands of writers, editors and cartoonists. And our work has a well known trickle-down effect. Without an easily lampoonable President, late night talk show hosts will experience a severe monologue deficit and standup comedians will see their routines decimated.

So act now. Help repeal the 22nd Amendment. And, rest assured, we are a non-partisan organization. We do not endorse any particular candidate.

Sure, it would be great to have George W. Bush running for a third term. But don’t forget; our initiative would also allow Bill Clinton the same privilege. In fact, we think a Bush-Clinton race in 2008 would be great for NASCAR and great for the country.

Please contribute what you can to our campaign. Remember, laughter is our most precious commodity. But it shouldn’t be taken for granted.. It takes dedicated professional satirists and laughable Presidents to maintain the national supply.

Your support can make a difference. And who knows? If we win this struggle, we may try to get the Constitution amended again to let foreign-born citizens like Arnold Schwarzenegger run for President. That would ensure a steady supply of satire for America for years to come.