Overheard recently during recess in the international schoolyard:
CANADA: Boy, I’m really tired of that U.S. He’s always picking on people, telling them what to do and stealing their oil money.
FRANCE: Oui, d’accord. He ees, how you say, a real bully.
IRAN: Yeah and he’s always sticking up for that shrimp Israel. If I could just get that little runt alone, I’d push his face into the sea.
PAKISTAN: Tell me about it. I keep having to pretend to be his friend so he won’t beat me up. But when he’s not looking, I just do what I want.
SAUDI ARABIA: That’s the way to handle him. Be nice to his face and pay others to knock his toys over.
CANADA: Oh-oh. Here he comes. Cuba, you better scram because you really set him off.
FRANCE: He has his leetle buddy U.K. with him again. Oh how I detest that beef-eating bootlicker.
PAKISTAN: Look, U.S. has still got poor Iraq in a headlock although he’s putting up a good fight.
U.K.: Hey, get out of the way. U.S. is coming through. Give him some room.
U.S.: Hi guys. Good to see you. What’s your name squirt? Canada, right? Aren’t you the little guy who wouldn’t help me beat up Iraq?
CANADA: Uh...hi, U.S. Great to see you. You know you’re my favorite superpower.
U.K.: Of course he is, you dummy. He’s the only superpower.
CANADA: Heh-heh. That’s what I meant. And don’t forget, U.S., I helped you beat up Afghanistan.
U.S.: You did? I didn’t notice but OK, I’ll take your word for it
IRAN: Hey, U.S. Why don’t you let Iraq go and pick on someone your own size?
U.S.: Don’t tempt me Iran. Once I’m finished with this clown, I’m coming after you.
IRAN: Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nah! You wouldn’t dare, especially now that I have my new toys.
NORTH KOREA: Look, look! I’m running with scissors!
U.S.: OK, OK. Slow down.
U.K.: Yeah, we’re backing away.
U.S.: Here, you guys can have Iraq back. We’re done with him. But next time we need some oil, you better pay up.
U.K.: That’s right. If my pal U.S. says so, you better listen.
CANADA: Sure, sure, U.S., Whatever you say.
FRANCE: (sotto voce) Maudit Americains.