The International Schoolyard

Overheard recently during recess in the international schoolyard:

CANADA: Boy, I’m really tired of that U.S. He’s always picking on people, telling them what to do and stealing their oil money.

FRANCE: Oui, d’accord. He ees, how you say, a real bully.

IRAN: Yeah and he’s always sticking up for that shrimp Israel. If I could just get that little runt alone, I’d push his face into the sea.

PAKISTAN: Tell me about it. I keep having to pretend to be his friend so he won’t beat me up. But when he’s not looking, I just do what I want.

SAUDI ARABIA: That’s the way to handle him. Be nice to his face and pay others to knock his toys over.

CANADA: Oh-oh. Here he comes. Cuba, you better scram because you really set him off.

FRANCE: He has his leetle buddy U.K. with him again. Oh how I detest that beef-eating bootlicker.

PAKISTAN: Look, U.S. has still got poor Iraq in a headlock although he’s putting up a good fight.

U.K.: Hey, get out of the way. U.S. is coming through. Give him some room.

U.S.: Hi guys. Good to see you. What’s your name squirt? Canada, right? Aren’t you the little guy who wouldn’t help me beat up Iraq?

CANADA: Uh...hi, U.S. Great to see you. You know you’re my favorite superpower.

U.K.: Of course he is, you dummy. He’s the only superpower.

CANADA: Heh-heh. That’s what I meant. And don’t forget, U.S., I helped you beat up Afghanistan.

U.S.: You did? I didn’t notice but OK, I’ll take your word for it

IRAN: Hey, U.S. Why don’t you let Iraq go and pick on someone your own size?

U.S.: Don’t tempt me Iran. Once I’m finished with this clown, I’m coming after you.

IRAN: Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nah! You wouldn’t dare, especially now that I have my new toys.

NORTH KOREA: Look, look! I’m running with scissors!

U.S.: OK, OK. Slow down.

U.K.: Yeah, we’re backing away.

U.S.: Here, you guys can have Iraq back. We’re done with him. But next time we need some oil, you better pay up.

U.K.: That’s right. If my pal U.S. says so, you better listen.

CANADA: Sure, sure, U.S., Whatever you say.

FRANCE: (sotto voce) Maudit Americains.