Friday, October 27, 2006

Trick or Treat

With every passing year, Halloween is becoming more and more of a holiday not just for kids but for grownups as well. Look for these adult "trick or treaters" out and about on Tuesday night:

Stephen Harper
As with every aspect of his government, Stephen Harper has decided to do all the trick or treating himself. The Prime Minister has ordered his entire Cabinet to stay home while he gathers the goodies. Insiders report that Mr. Harper has not yet decided whether he’ll dress up this Halloween as Peter MacKay, Jim Flaherty or Rona Ambrose.

Michael Ignatieff
By now, the frontrunner in the Liberal leadership race had hoped to be trick or treating all by himself. But thanks, in part, to his surprising ability to continue speaking even with both feet in his mouth, it appears that he will have lots of company this coming Tuesday night. As things now stand, it looks like Mr. Ignatieff will still be making the rounds with his fellow candidates dressed as Iggy and the Seven Dwarfs.

Ralph Klein
For the first time in years, Ralph Klein will not be going door to door on Halloween. The Alberta premier apparently wanted to go trick or treating but the contenders for his job asked him to keep a low profile until the leadership race is over. Rumor has it that Mr. Klein will simply stay home this year and hand out more $400 treats to every Albertan who comes to his door.

Jean Charest
In keeping with his past history, Jean Charest will once again be sporting a multi-purpose costume for Halloween. As always, the Quebec premier will be wearing a red shirt with blue pants and will be carrying both a Canadian and a Quebec flag. Mr. Charest reportedly will be dressed this year as that scariest of creatures: a Canadian federalist who’s a Quebec nationalist.

Dalton McGuinty
Once again, Dalton McGuinty has been asked by Ontario parents to refrain from trick or treating. Apparently the premier’s uncanny resemblance to Anthony Perkins’s character Norman Bates from the movie "Psycho" has scared too many of the province’s children. Instead, Mr. McGuinty will stay home, turn out the lights and practise his very scary threat to correct the federal fiscal imbalance.

Danny Williams
As on past Halloweens, Danny Williams will be looking for handouts from everyone. Among other things, the Newfoundland premier will be seeking more hydro revenue from Quebec and more oil and gas money from Ottawa. Mr. Williams’s trick will be to gather all those treats while still keeping his equalization payments.

George W. Bush
In advance of next week’s mid-term elections, George W. Bush will be out on the hustings looking to scare up some votes for his fellow Republicans. However, given Mr. Bush’s current approval ratings, instead of Halloween treats, he may instead find a lot of darkened doors. In fact, given his six-year record, the trick may be to find anyone who’ll even admit that they voted for him.

Kimi Jong-il
The North Korean leader jumped the gun on this year’s Halloween celebrations. He has already identified the treats he wants in the form of oil, trade and financial assistance. Apparently his "trick" involves leaving a flaming bag of fissionable material on a certain southern neighbor’s doorstep.

No comments: