New Improved Democracy Spread

"And the second way to defeat the terrorists is to spread freedom. You see, the best way to defeat a society that is -- doesn't have hope, a society where people become so angry they're willing to become suiciders, is to spread freedom, is to spread democracy."
--George W. Bush, June 8, 2005

Some critics have suggested that the Bush Administration has no plan for implementing democracy in the Middle East. However, the following secret White House memo from 2003 outlining a clear time line suggests otherwise:

2003
- Invade Iraq and topple Saddam Hussein
- Support the Iraqi people in their immediate attempts to form a coalition government
- Plan for future free elections

2004
- Help to thwart the inevitable intrusions in the nascent democratic process
- Facilitate interrogation of captured prisoners by transporting them to perfectly legal, extrajudicial sites like Guantanamo Bay
- Re-visit and rethink the Geneva Conventions
- Celebrate first tentative steps toward Iraqi democracy

2005
- Assist the people of Iraq in their rebuilding efforts
- Neutralize the handful of troublemakers by sending them to CIA prisons in various secret locations
- Commemorate first partially successful democratic elections in most Iraqi provinces

2006
- Discourage American citizens from using incautious criticism to undermine the war effort
- Suspend habeas corpus for non-citizens to ensure the possibility of full, fruitful interrogations
- Re-define "Iraqi democracy"

2007
- Restrict all uses of the term "civil war" as an inaccurate and unpatriotic description of the rapidly evolving democracy in Iraq
- Extend the suspension of habeas corpus to also cover American citizens, particularly journalists
- Limit democratic Iraqi governmental options to non-theocratic forms regardless of popular will

2008
- Suspend trial by jury for non-Republicans
- Repeal 22nd Amendment to allow our great leader George W. Bush to seek a third term
- Temporarily detain individuals with surname Clinton, Gore or Kerry for national security reasons
- As a temporary measure, suspend free elections in Iraq until civil order can be restored
- As a temporary measure, suspend free elections in the United States until the War on Terror completed
- Presidential election deferred until 2009 and electorate restricted to Republican campaign donors

2009
- Our great leader George W. Bush is sworn in for a third term after winning the election with a 99% margin of the 150,000 votes cast
- Iraq renamed Democratic Peoples Republic of Iraq
- Victory declared
- American troop strength in Iraq doubled

2010
- The Democratic Peoples Republic of the United States declares Richard Cheney its first Dear Leader
- FOX becomes the official government televison network
- Plans initiated to spread democracy to Canada