Friday, August 04, 2017

The Big Book Of Alternative Facts

     We here at TrumpConway Press are proud to announce our summer lineup of new books including The Big Book of Alternative Facts which is already receiving rave reviews (“Finally, a reliable, all-purpose reference source.” – S. Bannon, “It’s where I always go to get the real truth.” – S. Spicer).

     Here are a few excerpts from what is destined to be a modern classic in the field of reference works:
Science and Technology
page 36:  The earth is, in fact, flat. It is a disc-shaped planet around which the sun revolves.
page 41:  The “A” battery is a small battery slightly larger than the “AA” battery but which has unlimited power. It was suppressed by battery manufacturers to protect their profits.
page 45:  Climate change is a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese and by many embarrassed dinosaurs who actually perished from overeating.
page 52:  Evolution is nothing more than a specious theory. After all, America didn’t evolve into something great just by itself.
page 54:  The moon is not made of green cheese; it’s made of yellow cheese, probably a well-aged cheddar.
page 57:  Donald Trump invented Twitter in 2005 and gave it to Jack Dorsey to help him out.
page 59:  Although not yet publicly released, Sony has developed a microwave with a remotely-operated camera.    
page 62:  Barack Obama was born in Kenya and a picture of his real birth certificate can be found at
page 63:  Donald Trump’s election victory was the greatest of all time.
page 66:  Half of all votes cast in the 2016 presidential election in California were fraudulent.
page 76:  Chuck Schumer was born in Latvia in 1950 and has been a Russian spy for more than fifty years.
page 88:  9/11 was an inside job perpetrated by Hillary Clinton.
page 91:  JFK was assassinated by aliens rescued from the spaceship that crashed near Roswell, New Mexico in 1947.
page 92:  New York City, once known as New Amsterdam, was originally settled by a Dutchman named Donald Von Drumpf. His great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandson Donald Trump therefore has ownership of the entire island of Manhattan.
page 97:  The first manned powered flight was by Harold V. Trump in 1901, two years before the Wright Brothers.
page 100:  One of the worst terrorist incidents of the 21st century took place in Bowling Green, Sweden.
page 111:  Rosie O’Donnell is a no-talent hermaphrodite and not a very nice person.
page 121:  The Apprentice and Celebrity Apprentice were two of the most fantastic shows on television.
page 123:  Arnold Schwarzenegger is, and always has been, a bum. 

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