Sunday, August 09, 2009

Calling All Governors

The National Governors Association has launched a campaign to find suitable new candidates for America’s state governorships. Starting with a lengthy ad on Craigslist, the NGA is planning a year long drive to recruit qualified men and women to take on the nation’s second tier executive positions.

"It’s not as if we haven’t been trying to find good people to fill these jobs," said current NGA chair Ed Rendell. "But we haven’t had much luck in finding qualified folks and recent events have only underscored the problem."

Pressed to explain himself, the Pennsylvania governor noted that there seems to be a definite trend lately in state politics in America.

"I suppose it’s to be expected that there will be the occasional bad apple in any employment sector," said Rendell. "But we seem to be in the midst of an epidemic of incompetence."

"It’s one thing to have former governors go on to become President and screw up the country," said the Governor. "We’ve gotten kind of used to that what with Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, Bill Clinton and George W. Bush. But this latest rash of scandals and resignations makes it clear that we have a definite problem finding and keeping good people to run our nation’s states."

Rendell was initially reluctant to name names but it became readily apparent that he was referring to the spate of recent fallen governors including disgraced former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich who faces various corruption charges, former Governor Jim McGreevey of New Jersey who had an affair with his male aide, former Governor Eliot Spitzer of New York who paid a call girl thousands of dollars for sex and current South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford who secretly flew to South America to meet with his Argentinian mistress.

And it appears that the problem is not restricted to male governors. Soon-to-be-retired Alaska Governor Sarah Palin avoided personal sex scandals but somehow couldn’t manage to serve one complete term before resigning.

"We regret that we’ve had to resort to a recruitment campaign to find new governors," said Rendell. "Buy we had no choice. Having said that, I think you’ll agree that our advertisements are simple and effective."

Those who watched a preview of the NGA’s soon-to-be-aired TV commercial generally agreed. The ad features a silhouette with a question mark and a voiceover asking "Can you sign your name? Can you serve a full term? Can you remain faithful to your spouse? If you said ‘yes’ to these three questions, you may have a career as a U. S. state governor. Call the NGA today for more information."

Governor Rendell is confident that the ad campaign will ultimately be successful in recruiting good candidates for the states’ top positions.

"It’s not like we’re asking a lot from prospective governors," said Rendell. "Keep your pants on, sign some bills, don’t break the law and wait until your term’s over. In these difficult economic times, I’m betting that we can find at least fifty people who qualify. And frankly, that’s all we need."

No comments: