Sunday, August 16, 2009

Born in the U.S.A.

In response to the movement that questions Barack Obama’s status as American born, some House Republicans have introduced proposed legislation that would require future presidential candidates to submit their birth certificates.

A lot of people are condemning and ridiculing the so-called "Birther" bill saying its supporters have gone too far. I, on the other hand, think these folks are on the right track. If the truth be known, I don’t think they’ve gone far enough.

If I were advising the House Republicans, I’d suggest that they add a few amendments to their bill to really tighten things up. Amendments like:

* Any presidential candidate over 70 claiming to be born in the Panama Canal Zone must provide not only a birth certificate but also at least three independent expert opinions attesting to his (or her) medical fitness.
* A presidential candidate who subsequently loses the popular vote by more than 500,000 votes but claims an electoral college victory must agree to step down if it turns out that he (or she) really isn’t up to the job.
* Any presidential candidate who served as governor of a state north of the 49th parallel and then resigns before completing her (or his) term should be disqualified as a "quitter."
* No vice presidential candidate may head up a candidate search committee and then claim that he (or she) is the only qualified candidate.
* Any sitting president who starts a war under false pretenses and then triples the national debt will be disqualified from seeking a second term.
* No member of Congress will be eligible to seek the office of President if he (but probably not she) supports family values and then cheats on his spouse.
* Any presidential candidate who claims he (definitely not she) was hiking the Appalachian Trail but neglects to add that he followed it all the way to Buenos Aires cannot run.
* Failure to identify more than ten foreign nations on a map of the world will disqualify anyone as a candidate for president.
* The ability to speak in complete sentences will be a condition precedent for serving in The White House.
* No person who hosts a radio talk show will be eligible to run for any office higher than dog catcher.

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