U. S. President Barack Obama has shocked the British Empire from Carlisle to Canterbury by announcing that there might not always be an England.
The proclamation by America’s new president came at the end of yesterday’s press conference and was initially missed by all of the reporters in attendance.
"Frankly, I didn’t really notice," said longtime White House correspondent Helen Thomas. "There were so many more important announcements that this one basically fell through the cracks."
In fact, a full twenty-four hours passed before Obama’s statement was spotted on CNN by an 82-year old pensioner in Clotted-cream-sur-la-mer. Once the news was relayed to Prime Minister Gordon Brown, he immediately telephoned President Obama and demanded an explanation.
Obama told Brown that, as far as he knew, England was on the verge of being subsumed within the European Union and was slated to be renamed Monarchyland to better reflect its primary industry as a quaint tourist destination.
Brown conceded that Obama was correct but still registered his annoyance at having his country’s impotence publicly broadcast.
"It’s one thing to say that England is on the downslope," said the PM. "But there was really no need to say that there might not always be an England. That’s just bloody rude."
Obama reportedly apologized and corrected himself by issuing a White House press release stating that there’ll always be an England so long as there are British upper class twits who take offense at the obvious.