Wednesday, April 09, 2008

White House Foreclosure

In a surprise move, President Bush and wife Laura vacated The White House in the middle of the night nine months before his second term was due to end. Apparently the midnight move was not a voluntary one but instead was a forced eviction.

At a hastily called news conference, former White House Press Secretary Dana Perino detailed the unusual circumstances that gave rise to the Bushes’s precipitous departure. Speaking from a temporary briefing room in an outbuilding on the President’s ranch in Crawford, Texas, Ms. Perino explained that Mr. Bush was simply the latest victim of the subprime mortgage crisis.

"Two years ago, like many Americans," said Ms. Perino. "The President took out a sizable mortgage on his principal residence which, in his case, happened to be The White House."

"As you’ll recall," said the former press secretary. "At that time, the President was sorely in need of additional funding for the War in Iraq and was having trouble convincing Congress to authorize more money."

Apparently the President couldn’t resist the attractive introductory four percent teaser rate being offered at the time. Convinced that the Iraq War would be long over by the time the escalator clause kicked in, Mr. Bush relied on his well-known business savvy to negotiate a billion dollar mortgage on the nation’s most prized residential property.

"Unfortunately," said Dana Perino. "The war didn’t progress as well as expected and the new higher adjustable interest rate took effect. The President was hoping for an economic surge or at least some financial relief from Congress but, to date, none has been forthcoming."

The White House has reportedly been put on the market by the mortgage holder, a consortium of large Saudi Arabian banks. Given the recent softening in the Washington real estate market, the asking price is somewhat less than the outstanding mortgage debt. In the interests of avoiding further financial panic, the listing agent has agreed not to post a For Sale sign on the White House lawn.

Although a number of potential buyers have shown interest in the property including Bill Gates and the People’s Republic of China, it is believed that the most attractive offer to date has come from the Disney Corporation who are planning to open a new political amusement park in the nation’s capital.

"If we can also acquire the Capitol Building and the U. S. Supreme Court," said Disney CEO Robert Iger. "We hope to be able to open Disney World D. C. by the summer of 2012."

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