At a hastily called Washington, D. C. press conference, Wyoming Representative Horn E. Guy announced that he was resigning from Congress. Given the recent revelations of Guy’s participation in Capitol Hill orgies complete with male and female hookers, his resignation came as no surprise.
What did come as a complete shocker, however, was Rep. Guy’s failure to assure the public that he wanted to spend more time with his family. It is believed that this is the first instance in American history where a politician resigning in disgrace did not invoke the "spending more time with my family" rationale.
When confronted with this egregious oversight, Guy shrugged it off.
"Look, I’m sorry I got caught," said Guy. "But I’m not sorry about what I did and I sure don’t want to spend more time with that harridan I call a wife and those three snot-nosed brats that she says are my kids."
Apparently Rep. Guy has no intention of returning to Wyoming. Although he will be vacating his Congressional office shortly, he will not be giving up his Washington townhouse.
"No way," said the disgraced Congressman. "Ever since I moved to Washington, I’ve had the time of my life."
"Growing up in Wyoming was a waste," said Guy. "I never knew about all the sexual delights a guy could experience. Washington has helped me discover and accept the real me, a me that likes hookers, orgies, S & M, bondage and sex in any form whether it’s gay, straight or totally out there."
When asked how he will be able to afford his current lavish lifestyle, Guy seemed unconcerned.
"Don’t worry about me," said Guy. "One thing a former politician doesn’t have to worry about in Washington is lucrative employment. Heck, I’ve already got three offers to be a lobbyist, one for the sex trade, another for the pharmaceutical industry and a third for a consortium of music companies."
"That’s right," said Guy. "It looks like I’m going to be working for sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll. Party on!"