Tuesday, July 24, 2007

The Prez

"The Prez"
by Richard Cheney

Wherein the advisor to the family Bush instructs its members in the gaining, regaining and exercise of power. Written in the year 2000 but not yet published.

Chapter I How Many Kinds Of Prezs There Are And By What Means They Are Acquired
All states that have held and hold rule over men have been and are either republics or principalities and are ruled by prezs. A prez may be elected democratically or, more easily, can win victory through hereditary means. Where a prez has achieved hereditary power, his tenure is more likely to be lengthy.

Chapter II Concerning The Acquisition Of Power Through Other Than Democratic Means
Moral principles must yield to every circumstance. Do anything to acquire and maintain power. It is possible to acquire power through democratic means but it is difficult and not entirely satisfactory. Where a contender is from a family that has previously ruled, it is easier to circumvent the democratic process. Ensure that family friends are highly placed throughout the judiciary. Then any voting disputes or irregularities can be kept out of the hands of the electorate and instead be entrusted to the courts.

Chapter III Concerning The Retention Of Power In The Face Of Popular Unrest
Whenever the democratic process dictates a second election, a sitting prez must ensure that the reputation of any opponent be severely undermined. After a term of four years, the people will not be happy with the incumbent. However, it is a simple matter to tar the reputation of any pretender with the twin brushes of cowardice and indecision. The sitting prez must not be involved in such exercises but instead should leave them to friends and veterans. At all times, be sure to disregard the connection between ethics and politics.

Chapter IV How A Prez Should Conduct Himself As To Gain Renown
It is important to obtain a popular reputation among the people without actually doing anything for them. The wealthy must be rewarded with large tax cuts but the general populace can be won over simply by pretending to be one of them. Promise only undefined concepts such as freedom and compassionate conservatism.

Chapter V Concerning The Way In Which Prezs Should Keep Faith
A wise prez should not be hated. It is best to be feared and loved although if one cannot be both, it is better to be feared. Make efforts to appear religious to sway the populace. Proclaim faith, friendship and humanity while acting in direct opposition to those qualities. One who claims to be born again will gain popular support without needing to fulfill any promises. People see what you appear to be; few really know what you are.

Chapter VI That Which Concerns A Prez On The Subject Of The Art Of War
A prez ought to have no other aim or thought than war and its rules and discipline. And his highest aim is to complete the unfinished wars fought by his ancestors. When an opportunity arises to complete that work, a sitting prez will connect that opportunity in some manner, no matter how fleeting or tenuous, to the unfinished goal. He must find an excuse to invade and, if necessary, invoke the doctrine of the unilateral, preemptive strike. To be seen as decisive, it is better to be impetuous than cautious.

Chapter VII Concerning The Secretaries Of Prezs
The choice of servants is of no little importance to a prez. A prudent prez should have a select group of wise counsellors to advise him truthfully on matters even when he does not inquire of them. Of utmost importance is to choose a vice prez wisely for this is a position that is neither executive nor legislative. I urge you to name me as your servant to effect a search for someone to fill that post and trust that I will choose the best available candidate. At that point, it will be an easy matter to select the various secretaries needed from among my friends.

Chapter VIII How To Avoid Defeat
He who causes another to become powerful ruins himself. Thus, be wary of devolving power to others. Except, of course, in the case of your humble servant who you can trust implicitly.

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