Wednesday, July 11, 2007

New York, New York, New York

It looks like the 2008 Presidential race is going to be dominated by New Yorkers. First we have New York Senator Hillary Clinton vying for the Democratic nomination. Then there’s former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani who’s running for the Republican nod. And now it looks like New York’s current mayor, Michael Bloomberg, may make a run for the Presidency as an independent.

But that’s apparently not where it ends. The door is now wide open for even more New Yorkers to jump on the 2008 Presidential bandwagon as evidenced by these recently overheard statements of intent:

Ed Koch
"I can’t believe all these New York City mayors are running for President. What do they know? These guys are amateurs compared to me. If you want a guy with style and pizzaz, I’m your man. I’d run the country like I ran New York. Before you know it, there’d be a Broadway in every town in America and people would be calling this country U.S., U.S. - the nation so nice they named it twice."

Eliot Spitzer
"OK, I admit it. Sure I’d like to be President. Why the hell else do you think I took this two-bit governor’s job? Every New York governor from Pataki to Cuomo to Rockefeller to FDR wanted to be President. Do you think anybody seriously wants to end his career in Albany? Yeah I was going to wait until 2012 but since New York is the flavor of the day, I’m throwing my hat in the ring now."

George Steinbrenner
"Let’s do it. Get rid of the current guy. What’s his name? Bush? Didn’t he run the Texas Rangers for awhile? Well you can see he’s about as good at running a country as he was at running a baseball team. If you want a real leader, you need me. I’m the guy who owns the New York Yankees, the best baseball team in the universe. Now it’s time for me to do for the country what I did for the Yankees. Vote for me and we’ll all be world champions again."

Donald Trump
"Sure, I’d consider running for President next year. Of course, it would be a bit of a demotion for me. But if that’s what the people want, I’m willing to make the sacrifice. Believe me, if I get in, there’s gonna be a lot of changes. First of all, I’d tear down The White House and build a big, fancy new high rise with a good residential-commercial split. Something all Americans could be proud of, a Washington Trump Tower if you will. It would be huge. And then I’d clean house. A lotta folks would get fired and then I’d bring in some of my pals to run things and turn a profit. Trust me, it would be fabulous."

Rosie O’Donnell
"Yeah, why not? Those broads on ‘The View’ are a real pain in the ass and since Bob Barker doesn’t want me to take over from him on ‘The Price Is Right’, I’ve got lots of free time on my hands. I gotta lotta opinions and I can yell real loud. So count me in, especially if that idiot Trump is running. Boy, I’d like to get my hands on that poor excuse for a hairpiece. Whatta chump."

Woody Allen
"Rosie’s running? OK, maybe I should run, too. What could it hurt? It’s not like anyone else is doing such a great job. Maybe I could be Vice President. It comes with a pension, right? So long as they make Manhattan the national capital, I wouldn’t mind at all. After all, it’s not like those movie residuals last forever, you know."

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