"[Matthew Dowd] switched parties, joined Mr. Bush’s political brain trust and dedicated the next six years to getting him to the Oval Office and keeping him there....Looking back, Mr. Dowd now says his faith in Mr. Bush was misplaced."
- N. Y. Times - April 1, 2007
Although a number of top Republicans have recently expressed doubts about George W. Bush’s leadership, Matthew Dowd is the first from the President’s inner circle to publicly break ranks. But apparently he will not be the last if the following leaked memoranda are to be believed:
FROM: Karl Rove
Mr. President, I know that things have not been going your way of late. What with Katrina, the Iraq War and that district attorney business, I can see why some folks are getting upset with your style of leadership. But, as Margaret Thatcher once said to your dad: “Don’t go wobbly on me, George.”
I sense that you are beginning to think that diplomacy and compromise may be the answer to the problems facing you. If so, I fear that I cannot remain as your trusted advisor.
We have built your presidency on the firm basis of stonewalling and never admitting mistakes. To waver from that position now could endanger the entire house of cards we have built.
A house built of very rich cards if I do say so myself.
Just to let you know. If you decide to cut Al Gonzales loose, I’ll have to go public with my criticism. After all, if Al walks the plank, I figure I won’t be far behind.
FROM: Vice W
What’s going on here, junior? We’ve got less than two years to go. Don’t wimp out on me now like your old man did. There are still some tax cuts we haven’t made yet and Halliburton is asking for some more Iraq “reconstruction” contracts.
Don’t let those Democratic majorities in Congress get you down. You’ve got something they don’t: a veto. Just because you\ve only used it once in over six years is no reason to be afraid of using it now. I figure we can ride that sucker all the way to January of 2009. And after that, who the hell cares? The Democrats are welcome to clean up the mess as far as I’m concerned. But if you start caving on any of these issues now, I’m going to have to take you quail hunting, if you get my drift. Just a word to the wise.
FROM: Jenna and Barbara
Dad, please stop doing whatever you’re doing. We don’t know what specifically you’re up to but it sure is putting a crimp in our social life. Wherever we go, people are saying “Your dad’s not cool” and “Why is your dad screwing up so much?”
Just the other night, they wouldn’t even let us into the Pink Elephant Club in Manhattan. And I’ve given up counting the number of times guys ask us why we’re not serving in Iraq. Daddy, it’s really, really embarrassing. It’s not like anyone ever calls you on your soft service during the Vietnam War.
Anyway, just to let you know that we’re not going to take this much longer. Start doing things people like or we’re going to diss you. Sorry dad.
FROM: Your mother
Well this is a fine mess you’ve gotten us into. I always knew you’d screw up. I told your dad eight years ago that he better make sure Jeb got the nomination, not you. But, no, he didn’t listen to me. He said you’d have to learn from your mistakes, that you couldn’t beat Gore anyway and blah, blah, blah.
I’m not going to say another word. But if you don’t straighten things out soon, I’m going to have to do an interview with Barbara Walters or maybe even that Oprah lady. Remember what happened when you didn’t clean up your room? Well you better get ready for both ears to get boxed this time, mister.