W's Blog - Summer 2005

1600 PA. AVE. - An occasional anonymous summertime weblog by "No. 43"

August 31
Had to cut my vacation short. Lots of folks flooded out in the Big Easy. Just as well since that Sheehan woman was wanting to see me again. Pretty hard to have a quiet rest clearing brush with all that shouting and cursing going on. (Note to self: Next year consider imposing a five-mile, liberal-free zone around the ranch.)

August 30
I was honored to help in the celebration of VJ Day. Apparently today was the 60th anniversary of this event. Frankly, I was surprised to find that out. I always thought that MTV didn’t have their first music video broadcast with a veejay until about 1981. It just goes to show you that you can learn something every day.

August 20
Whooeee! Got to go biking with Lance Armstrong. Boy, that guy is fit and he didn’t even fall off once. Lance told me not to worry about any charges of electoral wrongdoing. He says that by the time anyone finds out, I’ll be out of office and untouchable. Lance says that unless they follow proper protocol, you’re home safe.

August 2
Well it’s time to head to the ranch again. I can’t tell you where it’s located since that might blow my cover. Let’s just say it’s not in Washington. I sure am glad to get out of that town. After a year of fighting terrorism and cutting taxes, I’m dead tired and really need a rest. Five weeks should recharge the old batteries and help me get back to spreading freedom around the world.

August 1
That John Bolton’s one crazy guy. Did you hear what he said he’d do to the UN Building in New York? Hilarious. He cracks me up; he really does. But those wimps in the Senate didn’t want to let him work at the UN. I fooled them, though. Did you know you can appoint someone all on your own after Congress recesses? Me neither but apparently you can. Who knew? Hats off to Al Gonzales for spotting that one.

July 28
Phoned my pal Raphael Palmeiro to congratulate him on his 3,000th hit - of a baseball, that is. Boy that guy is fit and he sure has nice muscle tone. I asked him how he got to be so ripped and he laughed and said "Don’t ask; don’t tell." All he would say is that if I wanted to enhance my performance, give Barry Bonds a call.

July 19
That Alberto G. is a genius. I had to nominate someone for the Supreme Court and it was what we call a Goldilocks appointment - you know, just right but not too right. I don’t know where he came up with this guy John R. but he’s perfect. He’s about as pure as the driven snow and Al says he’ll do whatever Tony and Clarence tell him to do. Kind of like the relationship I have with Dick, Karl and Paul.

July 14
My buddy Karl seems to have gotten a woman into trouble. It’s not what you think, though. Cause if it was, I’m sure Karl would do the right thing and marry her. In the meantime, Karl says best to say nothing about all this if anyone asks. That’s fine by me. I’m as good at saying nothing as anybody. Except maybe for Scott McClellan.

July 4
Can you believe all the whining and complaining about Iraq from those Democratic wusses? Just because a few thousand National Guard troops get re-upped, they think this war is a disaster. Believe me, I was in the National Guard and I know those fellows don’t mind doing their part. I know I was ready to do my share back in 1972 or 73 or whenever it was that I served. If there had been a big war on then, you wouldn’t have seen me complaining about two or three tours of duty overseas.