Monday, November 06, 2006

The G.O.P. Daily Gleaner

If the following ads from the classifieds section of "The G.O.P. Daily Gleaner" are any indication, some Congressional incumbents may soon be out of a job:

Employment Wanted
Professional legislator looking to make a lateral move into the field of government lobbying. Specializes in serving single terms as House Representative, Governor and Senator. Will consider White House positions. Only serious offers. No macacas, please. Contact: G. Allen, Box KKK.

House for Sale
White, two-storey colonial in Georgetown available immediately. Features include two-car garage, completely drug-free environment and full heterosexual master bedroom. Vendor motivated. Must sell soon in view of pending move back to Pennsylvania. No queers, perverts or Democrats, please. Contact: R. Santorum, Box 666.

TV Doctor
Longtime Senate MD looking to put his special medical skills to work in a new field. Extensive experience in propping up ailing Republican presidents and conducting video diagnoses of severely brain-damaged, comatose patients. Hoping to start own medical cable network for miracle video cures and political resurrections. Contact: B. Frist, Box 041.

Will Run, Will Travel
Political veteran looking for new opportunities in any branch of government. Not restricted by ideology or party affiliation. Well-versed in singing from any political songbook. Willing to run in any jurisdiction even when not chosen. Independent type open to all kinds of races including three-ways. No bondage, please. Wire: Lieberman, Connecticut.

‘99 Lincoln for Sale
Low-mileage, well-maintained Republican-owned automobile with liberal extras. Capable of driving on either side of the road. $8,000 or best offer. Will drive vehicle home to Rhode Island if buyer wishes. Contact: L. Chafee Box 321.

Will Work for Room and Board
Longtime Washington, D. C. resident looking to return to his native Montana. Will work as farmhand or ranch hand. No forest firefighting please. For references, write J. Abramoff c/o the federal correctional facility in Cumberland, Maryland. Contact: C. Burns Box ZZZ.

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