The Next Two-and-a-half Years

How to spend the next two-and-a-half years

* Sell your cowboy boots.
* Be prepared for more Presidential interviews on "Larry King Live."
* Invest heavily in oil companies.
* Buy sun screen in bulk.
* Consider reopening your 1950s basement bomb shelter.
* Don’t despair; there are still three more month-long August vacations.
* Be careful of the "spread" of democracy in the Middle East.
* Get those "Ralph Nader for President" buttons out of storage again.
* Deny voting Republican in 2000 and 2004.
* Practise saying "liberal" without sneering.
* Reminisce about the good old days in The White House with Bill and Monica.
* Try to locate Terror on a world map.
* Convince yourself that Hillary’s really not that bad and, hey, you’d get Bill as part of the package and, let’s face it, Bill’s nothing if not fun.
* Promise yourself not to vote for any more southern governors.
* Ask your accountant to explain why all those tax cuts left you with less money.
* Pray that Cheney doesn’t get a hate on for another Middle Eastern country.
* Check out your cousin’s condo in Vancouver, just in case.
* Keep your embryonic stem cells in cold storage for now.
* Begin slowly converting your IRA to euros.
* Take Bush at his word that he’ll leave problems like Iraq to future Presidents.
* Double check wording of the 22nd Amendment to make sure it really does prevent a third term.
* Write apology letters to Al Gore, John Kerry and the nation of France.
* Don’t vote for anyone named Bush no matter how regular he seems.
* Swear you won’t get fooled a third time.
* Hope for the best; prepare for the worst.